Joe Hudson

Yeah.

Yeah, like hand, hand big.

I wanted it to be like a foot in something, but I never got there.

Yeah.

So the first story that I made that I hardly even understood that I made until relatively recently was, you know, the story of my needs are not important, that my job is to take care of my parents' needs instead of my parents' job was to take care of my needs.

So my mom had this theory, for instance, of like, you know, I needed to be changed at a certain time so that I learned to poop at a certain time that was convenient for her, just like as an example.

So my needs were tertiary, right?

to every other need that there was out there.

So that was something that I didn't really even understand until much later, but that was probably the first big lesson.

Then the second lesson that I learned was that love came with verbal abuse.

My dad was a great father for the first 10 years, but then alcohol got him and he was just wildly abusive verbally at the table.

So

We could literally have, like, hour and a half yelling matches.

And there was no way out.

I could say, find out you win.

And he would say, see, I told you you were weak.

Like, it was just, there was no way, because he was just moving his, getting through his own emotional experience.

and so um so that's the second and then in all of that was a lesson that like i'm i'm wrong so love is abuse my needs are less important than other people's needs and and there's just something inherently wrong with me and that's basically how i like

popped out, you know, of high school and college.

It was just like that.