John Mulaney

I know you don't want to bother her.

I pay her.

Yeah.

I know to you it feels like we're hassling on her, like we just banged on the door of some random Guatemalan woman and said, hey, could you look after our kids for about five hours while we go eat?

That's not how – she gets paid by me.

My wife is so fucking nice.

She just has that feeling of like, eh, don't hassle the nice lady who looks after the kids.

Yes, and clipping coupons for immigrants.

It would be.

No, I'm just saying they start off with fake arguments.

You know what I mean?

Like the one I did, like the one guy, the one chick clipped coupons.

Like the guy really gave a shit about that.

The other one was the chick was in the roller derby and she was staying in shape.

And his husband was like, woman, I want you to stay home and cook for me and stuff.

And it was kind of – it was cooked up.

And the problem is they do too many laughs with the same thing.

But really something like –

You know, you fucked my best friend, and I can't get over it, and now you claim to be friends with him, and you invite him over to the house for parties, and then I see you guys getting drunk and smoking a cigarette out on the patio together, and that's bullshit.

Like, that would be a much better real problem.