John Mulaney

Number one, and possibly Shaq's pineapple soda as well, which somebody says does exist, by the way.

It does.

I didn't just make it up.

Either way, this Doritos thing is a super slippery, bright orange slope that we're all tumbling down in slow motion.

Somebody had the Dorito flavor for 37 years, and the only flavor Doritos was on was on Doritos.

And then at some point, somebody, like, two years ago said, well, what if we made a taco shell that had a Dorito flavor to it?

That's just how crazy it might work.

And everybody went nuts, and...

Mark my words, there's going to be Dorito-flavored toilet paper that is hitting the shelves in a matter of a year.

I mean, it will be – it's a super simple math.

Everyone is fat, everyone is stupid, and everyone loves Doritos.

What else do you need to know?

There's going to be – look, if this works –

And I pray it doesn't.

But if this works, there is going to be Dorito coffee, Dorito tea, Dorito tampons, Dorito fucking everything.

Yeah, I agree.

But think about all the insane things we said a few years ago.

Who's going to pay for TV?

TV's free.

Who's going to pay for water?