John Mulaney
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
I mean, it will be – it's a super simple math.
Everyone is fat, everyone is stupid, and everyone loves Doritos.
What else do you need to know?
There's going to be – look, if this works –
And I pray it doesn't.
But if this works, there is going to be Dorito coffee, Dorito tea, Dorito tampons, Dorito fucking everything.
Yeah, I agree.
But think about all the insane things we said a few years ago.
Who's going to pay for TV?
TV's free.
Who's going to pay for water?
No one's going to pay $3.
$4 cup of coffee?
Cup of coffee's a buck and you get it refilled 29 times.
All this shit that we sort of said who's going to pay for, everyone is paying for now.
All right.
Now, this is all fun and games until your cock is attacked by seagulls.
Which could... Hey, true story.