John Mulaney
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
No one's going to pay $3.
$4 cup of coffee?
Cup of coffee's a buck and you get it refilled 29 times.
All this shit that we sort of said who's going to pay for, everyone is paying for now.
All right.
Now, this is all fun and games until your cock is attacked by seagulls.
Which could... Hey, true story.
Hand to God.
That's right.
Guy put the condom on.
They were staying at a beach cottage.
Dramatic.
Well, why rent the cottage and then just, you know, shut the drapes and shut the doors?
It was a lot like that scene in 10 when he went to go visit the... Or American Gigolo.
There's a couple of good movies where they went down to the shore to visit the pimps or the whatever.
And, true story, the guy donned the condom.
And he had the windows open, and it was a 10th anniversary.
Now, they were using the condom because she was off the birth control, and they'd already recently had twins, and his penis was savagely attacked by a group of marauding women.