John Oliver

I've already made the change. Ah. Which brings me to solution number two. Let's trim the fat. I mean, basically, everything after Amendment 10 wasn't written by the founders, so that can go. And some prominent constitutional scholars think we can go even further than that.

A few mallet-wielding, brain-bullied lawyers overruling the will of the people? It's undemocratic, John. And it brings me to my third solution. Let's give the prostitution back to the people. By putting it on the internet. I give you the wiki prostitution. It's a... Open source document, a marketplace of ideas where the will of the people can finally speak.

A few mallet-wielding, brain-bullied lawyers overruling the will of the people? It's undemocratic, John. And it brings me to my third solution. Let's give the prostitution back to the people. By putting it on the internet. I give you the wiki prostitution. It's a... Open source document, a marketplace of ideas where the will of the people can finally speak.

It already has 6,000 new amendments, and as you can see, the people in their wisdom have outlawed anchor babies, legalized marijuana, and apparently we have banned werewolves. That makes sense, actually. Team Edward is very active on the Wiki prostitution.

It already has 6,000 new amendments, and as you can see, the people in their wisdom have outlawed anchor babies, legalized marijuana, and apparently we have banned werewolves. That makes sense, actually. Team Edward is very active on the Wiki prostitution.

But wait a minute, John. That's Glenn Beck's defense of the Constitution. It took a long time to write. If that's the criteria, then that screenplay about the Noid that you started back in the late 80s will be the greatest document of all time.

But wait a minute, John. That's Glenn Beck's defense of the Constitution. It took a long time to write. If that's the criteria, then that screenplay about the Noid that you started back in the late 80s will be the greatest document of all time.

Anyway, you didn't play Senator Sessions' entire soundbite.

Anyway, you didn't play Senator Sessions' entire soundbite.

See, John, he was only talking about the Second Amendment. Guns, John. Of course we can't change that clause. Look, the founders made it Sharpie-proof. I can't do anything to it. Damn it. Their original intent is clear.

See, John, he was only talking about the Second Amendment. Guns, John. Of course we can't change that clause. Look, the founders made it Sharpie-proof. I can't do anything to it. Damn it. Their original intent is clear.

Or no one minus one? I should tell you that I'm a noted founding father psychologist. As you would know if you had read my book, Men Are From Mars, James Madison was a godlike genius who could do no wrong, and I am the only one who knows what he was thinking. Now, how could you know what James Madison was actually thinking? Didn't you even look at the cover of my book, John? I thought I did.

Or no one minus one? I should tell you that I'm a noted founding father psychologist. As you would know if you had read my book, Men Are From Mars, James Madison was a godlike genius who could do no wrong, and I am the only one who knows what he was thinking. Now, how could you know what James Madison was actually thinking? Didn't you even look at the cover of my book, John? I thought I did.

I get it straight from James Madison's skull.

I get it straight from James Madison's skull.

What?

What?

That's a ridiculous premise, John, but I'll play along. After all, even James Madison recognized a higher authority at work.

That's a ridiculous premise, John, but I'll play along. After all, even James Madison recognized a higher authority at work.

Yeah, a lot of people think that that's true, but that's an easily fixed misconception. If you scroll down now to New Amendment 6666, I think you'll see that the Bible is now actually a prostitutional amendment. So it's all in there.