John Oliver

Okay, you win this round, but let me say this. It then fits in your pocket, John, and isn't that the promise of America's melting pot?

Okay, you win this round, but let me say this. It then fits in your pocket, John, and isn't that the promise of America's melting pot?

Easy. It's my training kicking in. I understand.

Easy. It's my training kicking in. I understand.

I'm not... I'm not... No, John. I'm suggesting that mixed martial arts is a metaphor for a cell phone camera, which in turn represents America. What better emblem for our nation, after all, than a level of playing field shaped like an octagon, where people of diverse cultural ass-kicking traditions can meet as equals and immediately start kicking ass? Stop.

I'm not... I'm not... No, John. I'm suggesting that mixed martial arts is a metaphor for a cell phone camera, which in turn represents America. What better emblem for our nation, after all, than a level of playing field shaped like an octagon, where people of diverse cultural ass-kicking traditions can meet as equals and immediately start kicking ass? Stop.

Well, John, most economists define a recession as two consecutive quarters of negative growth, while others look for widespread decline in key indicators, such as retail sales, employment, and real GDP. Amateurs.

Well, John, most economists define a recession as two consecutive quarters of negative growth, while others look for widespread decline in key indicators, such as retail sales, employment, and real GDP. Amateurs.

Well, I'm a little more old school, John. That's just how I roll. To me, the most tried and true method for determining if you're in a recession begins with this little device right here. Wow. An antique stock ticker. That's... More than that. It's an antique stock ticker with a canary inside. As long as this bird is alive, the economy is doing just fine.

Well, I'm a little more old school, John. That's just how I roll. To me, the most tried and true method for determining if you're in a recession begins with this little device right here. Wow. An antique stock ticker. That's... More than that. It's an antique stock ticker with a canary inside. As long as this bird is alive, the economy is doing just fine.

Oh, no, no, no, no. He's fine. He's just taking a little investment nap. Come on. Wake up there, money beak. Come on. Wake up. Okay. That's no good. So this means we're in a recession. Well, let's not be hasty. It's hard to see a recession even when you're in one. The last recession, after all, began in March of 2001.

Oh, no, no, no, no. He's fine. He's just taking a little investment nap. Come on. Wake up there, money beak. Come on. Wake up. Okay. That's no good. So this means we're in a recession. Well, let's not be hasty. It's hard to see a recession even when you're in one. The last recession, after all, began in March of 2001.

Economists didn't realize it until eight months later when they had to boil their calendars to make soup. Really?

Economists didn't realize it until eight months later when they had to boil their calendars to make soup. Really?

Yes, really. I said it, didn't I? Indeed you did. Unfortunately, that means the only way to determine if we're in a recession now is to travel into the future.

Yes, really. I said it, didn't I? Indeed you did. Unfortunately, that means the only way to determine if we're in a recession now is to travel into the future.

Well, of course we can't. I only have one time helmet. Turn it on. There we go. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be right back. To the future! Wow. Oh, look. The future is just as I predicted it.

Well, of course we can't. I only have one time helmet. Turn it on. There we go. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be right back. To the future! Wow. Oh, look. The future is just as I predicted it.

John. John. John. John. That's weird. I thought I heard a voice from the past. Yes. But he's dead. He died in the great plague of the end of this March, 2008. What? John, is there a recession? Oh, right, right. Well, let's see. Things seem pretty stable around here. I'm employed, obviously. That's always a good indicator. Oh, no. What's that? Oh, no, no. Space invaders. No, no, no, no.

John. John. John. John. That's weird. I thought I heard a voice from the past. Yes. But he's dead. He died in the great plague of the end of this March, 2008. What? John, is there a recession? Oh, right, right. Well, let's see. Things seem pretty stable around here. I'm employed, obviously. That's always a good indicator. Oh, no. What's that? Oh, no, no. Space invaders. No, no, no, no.