John Oliver

First, to make it more appealing, sales tax will now be known as pudding. As in, hey, great, 8.25% pudding. Next, there'll be mirrors at every cash register.

First, to make it more appealing, sales tax will now be known as pudding. As in, hey, great, 8.25% pudding. Next, there'll be mirrors at every cash register.

Yes, and also for cutting up cocaine. Also available at every cash register. Cocaine. You want cocaine. Yes, John, I've discovered that the substance cocaine makes people feel very confident.

Yes, and also for cutting up cocaine. Also available at every cash register. Cocaine. You want cocaine. Yes, John, I've discovered that the substance cocaine makes people feel very confident.

I don't think you can... No, John, I don't think you understand. Oh. Oh, no. What is that? What's happening? That's it. That's a five-minute warning till economic collapse. It's time to break out the big stimulus guns. Emergency Christmas. What? What? Emergency Christmas tomorrow. There are only 14 shopping hours left. Chop, chop. Let's go.

I don't think you can... No, John, I don't think you understand. Oh. Oh, no. What is that? What's happening? That's it. That's a five-minute warning till economic collapse. It's time to break out the big stimulus guns. Emergency Christmas. What? What? Emergency Christmas tomorrow. There are only 14 shopping hours left. Chop, chop. Let's go.

Look, it's a little bit of a late notice for an emergency. John, are you saying that you didn't get me anything for emergency Christmas? Oh, this is the worst emergency Christmas ever.

Look, it's a little bit of a late notice for an emergency. John, are you saying that you didn't get me anything for emergency Christmas? Oh, this is the worst emergency Christmas ever.

You're absolutely welcome. John, America is sick. It's going to take some major surgery to heal this nation. There are going to be some hard, bitter pills to swallow and also a lot of terrible medical metaphors. But don't worry. Dr. Hodgman is in. First problem, access. Almost 50 million people in this country are uninsured. But I've happened to notice that none of those people are in Congress.

You're absolutely welcome. John, America is sick. It's going to take some major surgery to heal this nation. There are going to be some hard, bitter pills to swallow and also a lot of terrible medical metaphors. But don't worry. Dr. Hodgman is in. First problem, access. Almost 50 million people in this country are uninsured. But I've happened to notice that none of those people are in Congress.

White hair man is right. So I'm going to write my first prescription. Make every American a member of Congress. I don't know, John, actually, that that's practical. Oh, really? In some respects. What if I wrote a little prescription for Vicodin for you as well, John? Would that make it go down a little easier? You're not a doctor. You're not actually a doctor. Not offline, I suppose, but fine.

White hair man is right. So I'm going to write my first prescription. Make every American a member of Congress. I don't know, John, actually, that that's practical. Oh, really? In some respects. What if I wrote a little prescription for Vicodin for you as well, John? Would that make it go down a little easier? You're not a doctor. You're not actually a doctor. Not offline, I suppose, but fine.

There's certainly more than one way to skin this patient. What? Prescription two, a healthy dose of prevention. Now, yes, exercise, diet, that sort of thing? No, no, John. Illness is not transmitted through diet and exercise. I'm talking about preventing contact, moving the sick people to a designated area far away from the rest of us. You're talking about a leper colony, like a leper.

There's certainly more than one way to skin this patient. What? Prescription two, a healthy dose of prevention. Now, yes, exercise, diet, that sort of thing? No, no, John. Illness is not transmitted through diet and exercise. I'm talking about preventing contact, moving the sick people to a designated area far away from the rest of us. You're talking about a leper colony, like a leper.

No, no, no, no, no. A leper colony is a degrading medieval concept. This is more like a leper resort. I call it Camp Sniffles. It's not only completely isolated and patrolled by dogs, it's also a lot of fun.

No, no, no, no, no. A leper colony is a degrading medieval concept. This is more like a leper resort. I call it Camp Sniffles. It's not only completely isolated and patrolled by dogs, it's also a lot of fun.

Yes, John, but there is a solution, and it lies inside each and every one of us.

Yes, John, but there is a solution, and it lies inside each and every one of us.

Wow. And we all have two of them, like big fat money bags nestled back here behind the screen. And what are people doing with them? Using them to filter their urine. I say turn that stream of waste into a real golden shower of money.

Wow. And we all have two of them, like big fat money bags nestled back here behind the screen. And what are people doing with them? Using them to filter their urine. I say turn that stream of waste into a real golden shower of money.