Jordan Klepper
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
I want to be like Gandhi.
1 a.m.
in the morning, I'm sitting in the back of a closed barbershop or beauty salon, smoking a cigar and drinking some Henny or a single Monscott.
It's not the tweet, it's the street.
You have to inspect what you expect or is all suspect.
When I do my dime, I can do my time, and I won't hear anyone whine.
This is a city of swagger.
We need a mayor of swagger.
We can talk about erectile dysfunction but not clitoral stimulation.
Something is wrong.
I heard a shorty that lived out here.
Sharing a pie with your book is like, that's the ultimate.
You may drive by, you may see eye candy sent down somewhere.
You may want to slip them your number.
I don't know what I'd do without my incense, my candles, my bubble baths, and my roses.
I hate rats.
Rats.
Rats.
The rats may be listening.
I'm terrified of rats.