Jordan Klepper
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
When I do my dime, I can do my time, and I won't hear anyone whine.
This is a city of swagger.
We need a mayor of swagger.
We can talk about erectile dysfunction but not clitoral stimulation.
Something is wrong.
I heard a shorty that lived out here.
Sharing a pie with your book is like, that's the ultimate.
You may drive by, you may see eye candy sent down somewhere.
You may want to slip them your number.
I don't know what I'd do without my incense, my candles, my bubble baths, and my roses.
I hate rats.
Rats.
Rats.
The rats may be listening.
I'm terrified of rats.
We're going to kill rats.
If you're not scared of rats, you are really, you're my hero.
All my haters become my waiters when I sit down at the table of success.
I'm a lion, and lions don't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep.
I am the pilot, folks, and you are all passengers.