Josh Johnson

Okay, Kristi Noem, you're Homeland Security.

You got to get out there to Portland and take care of business.

Okay, okay.

That doesn't look that scary, but you have to remember how scary it is for her to encounter a farm animal when she's unarmed.

Okay?

But you know these cities.

They look innocent during the day.

I bet you that was just the Antifa that doesn't have jobs, all right?

At night, at night, that must be when Antifa comes out to do all the nasty terrorism.

Let's look at Portland at night this week.

All right, all right, fear is a powerful drug, but so is MDMA.

Listen, Trump, I'm trying to be an ally, but right now, I don't really see dangerous criminals.

I just see virgins.

And I'm not sure we need the military for that because everything that they claim is happening in Portland, it's all happening on one city block in front of one ICE building.

The rest of the city is completely normal.

I mean, it's still Portland, so it's normal, but it's like Portland normal.

You know what I mean?

Like, there will be a naked guy with a handlebar mustache riding a unicycle down the street, but that's supposed to be happening, all right?

So far, all I've seen is a guy in a chicken suit and an episode of Barney, all right?

But maybe there's something I'm missing.