Josh Johnson

I bet you that was just the Antifa that doesn't have jobs, all right?

At night, at night, that must be when Antifa comes out to do all the nasty terrorism.

Let's look at Portland at night this week.

All right, all right, fear is a powerful drug, but so is MDMA.

Listen, Trump, I'm trying to be an ally, but right now, I don't really see dangerous criminals.

I just see virgins.

And I'm not sure we need the military for that because everything that they claim is happening in Portland, it's all happening on one city block in front of one ICE building.

The rest of the city is completely normal.

I mean, it's still Portland, so it's normal, but it's like Portland normal.

You know what I mean?

Like, there will be a naked guy with a handlebar mustache riding a unicycle down the street, but that's supposed to be happening, all right?

So far, all I've seen is a guy in a chicken suit and an episode of Barney, all right?

But maybe there's something I'm missing.

You don't even have sewers anymore.

There are no stores in Portland.

You're telling me if I type stores in Portland into Google Maps, it'll just be like, nah, nah, this is one of those store cities.

Nah, we not doing that nasty stuff over here, okay?

Also, not having stores isn't exactly the worst thing about a war zone.

No one was looking at Hiroshima like the devastation was incredible.

Not a single Bob's Discount Furniture left standing.