Julia Carpenter
speaker
3,850 appearances
71 recordings
1 series
first heard Oct 2019
last heard Sep 2024
Julia Carpenter’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
His name is Thomas Foppel.
He's based in San Francisco.
And one of the things he said about this is that you have to talk about the issue underneath the issue because money is about power.
Money is about control.
When you're fighting about these things, you're fighting about something much bigger.
So just treating it as a frivolous conversation or treating it as something, oh, well, that's not important to me, really discounts what the other person is bringing to this, which is a much bigger issue.
The other thing is what Johanna Peets found in her research, which is that in looking at all of these different Reddit posts, she saw that people who fight about the little mundane things, like the movie seat, for example, get somewhere.
Fighting about the small stuff actually leads you to better understanding the big stuff.
So it's actually worthwhile to discuss finances more in relationships, maybe get into more fights than just let things bubble up and then blow up.
One of the things that Thomas was telling me, that's the financial therapist I interviewed, is that identifying these things like the shared values or the pain points of the relationship are important.
So figuring out what those are, figuring out what is going to set someone off or what is really important to the other person helps you then figure out how to fight in a good way, in a way that feels healthy, in a way that feels productive.
The thing that was hardest for people to work through is the fair contributions.
So if someone isn't contributing to discussing this, if someone isn't contributing to the mission, if someone isn't contributing to the overall future of the household, there's gonna be problems.
And that doesn't mean contributing financially.
So it doesn't mean both people have to be putting the same amount of money into the pot, but it means both people have to have the same skin in the game.
Both people have to care the same amount.
Which is even if you don't care, say, about the movie seat, for example, you know my partner cares about the movie seat.
I need to care just a little bit more about the movie seat.
So I interviewed a couple, actually.
Their names are Barbara Krenzer and John Stone.
Showing 701–720 of 3,850 · page 36 of 193
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