Julia Dhar

much more enjoyable than trying to change yourself, trying to change other people the best.

Let's do that instead.

But let's for the moment assume we have to make a sincere effort to change ourselves.

Get specific.

What is the behavior that you are trying to change?

And so, for example, quit drinking is not a behavior.

That's just a loose behavior.

or it's a kind of category of activities that you don't want to be doing anymore.

Deciding not to have a second drink, for example, on any given night, we're starting to get specific on what you are seeking to do.

It's very clearly measurable.

So get specific.

We've already talked a few times about the idea that writing a goal down, even if you never show it to people, is very helpful.

It seems to trip some kind of cognitive switch for us.

Asking people for help is another thing that you can do that is really powerful and useful.

And so that might be, I have someone that I could text when I am thinking about, to extend this example, having a second drink that night.

The other thing that you can do, and this works really well in organizations and teams as well, is let's start to imagine what that future would be like if I decide or I make this choice that I'm trying to move away from.

If it happens, if I want to have a second drink, if I think about calling that person who I actually have a pretty destructive relationship with,

Then what should I do?

If I have this feeling, because feelings often precede our thoughts, then what am I likely to think?

I should call that person.