Julia Dhar

Of course they do.

Can you make someone else change?

No, generally you can't.

And so what you can do, what you are always in control of is your response to that person and understanding why that person is so triggering for you is a really good step to take.

Because you can continue to change your relationship, both like the quantity of time that you spend with them, for example, how you spend that time, what you do, or the

how you react to what they say to you, whether that is advice from a parent that doesn't make it an obligation to do what they suggested that you do, or why someone else's appetite for conflict doesn't have to turn into an argument if you choose to remove yourself from the situation.

However,

Sometimes we feel like we've told someone to change, suggested that they change, and they still haven't changed.

And it's really easy to interpret that as a statement of disrespect from that person towards you.

And I think there's actually a really useful tactic and practice that comes from family therapy, actually, or couples therapy around that.

articulating a need that you might have or a desire that you might have for people to change.

It's basically this.

It's called a clear and specific request because that is exactly what it is.

And so often someone will talk to me about a person in their life.

It could be a person on their team.

It could be their boss.

It could be a romantic partner or a friend.

And they'll say, oh,

this person, here are all the things that I think are wrong with them.

And I just really think they should completely change.