Julia Dhar

You know, just being like, okay, cool.

So this situation isn't making me happy.

You're not responsible for others' emotions and they're not responsible for mine.

You know what I mean?

I feel like that's a very empowering thing about behavioral change.

It's just realizing that nobody's going to come and save me.

Nobody's going to come and fix me.

This is completely my obligation.

And that's terrifying and also incredibly freeing that I don't need to really answer to anybody if I'm like,

well I do but as in like that I don't like I can just take control like it's up to me I can make the decision that I want to be different and just go and do it one of the most useful things maybe the only useful thing we can really do is be self-accountable one of the most confronting chunks of psychology that I read about is basically the body of literature that says almost no matter how well we know a person or how long we have known a person it is very difficult to accurately predict someone's

feelings or thoughts in response to a situation.

So every time you're telling yourself a story that you have to do something because another person will be so upset or because they are expecting you to do that or because they will think badly of you if you do or don't do something, actually just reminding yourself that

You might not be as good a reader of people.

You might not be, in particular, a very good reader of this person.

It can actually free you up to see a whole different set of choices.

Oh, I'm literally, I'm just thinking about, I'm thinking about myself there and being like, yeah, that's totally right.

The amount of times I've been like, oh, my friend's totally going to react this way or my partner is going to react this way.

It's like that never, I don't really think I've ever been able to predict it.

A fun thing that I really love about it is there's some emerging research that says in certain situations people

The better you know someone, the worse you are likely to be at predicting their thoughts or feelings in a specific situation, which could be really confronting.