Karen Doherty

You just get caught up in this melee of sort of anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment and can't be bothered. It's too much. And you move to overwhelm. And then that's it, isn't it? You've moved to overwhelm and there's no conversation. So it's one of the first things that has to be worked with in my room. Okay, how do we deal with this? How do we manage it?

You just get caught up in this melee of sort of anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment and can't be bothered. It's too much. And you move to overwhelm. And then that's it, isn't it? You've moved to overwhelm and there's no conversation. So it's one of the first things that has to be worked with in my room. Okay, how do we deal with this? How do we manage it?

How do we get you thinking about pausing? How do we get the partners to understand? I mean, how do you both deal with it if you're both ADHD and you're both triggered? Come on, how are we going to do that? How are we going to knock that out? How are we going to calm that down? So it is all about recognition and strategies.

How do we get you thinking about pausing? How do we get the partners to understand? I mean, how do you both deal with it if you're both ADHD and you're both triggered? Come on, how are we going to do that? How are we going to knock that out? How are we going to calm that down? So it is all about recognition and strategies.

Oh, definitely. That's part of some of the problems that come into the room is that partners become so hypervigilant around their partners that they're constantly sort of Walking on eggshells, over-facilitating, trying to avoid, trying to calm down, and they don't. And it's all done with the partners just assuming that that's what's going on. The actual ND might not know.

Oh, definitely. That's part of some of the problems that come into the room is that partners become so hypervigilant around their partners that they're constantly sort of Walking on eggshells, over-facilitating, trying to avoid, trying to calm down, and they don't. And it's all done with the partners just assuming that that's what's going on. The actual ND might not know.

Might not know that they're moving towards that. And it's a big issue. It's a big issue in couples how the one partner might walk on eggshells just a tad too often. Mm-hmm. And the ND is not aware, not aware of the hurt that the partner's feeling or the fear that the partner's feeling of triggering.

Might not know that they're moving towards that. And it's a big issue. It's a big issue in couples how the one partner might walk on eggshells just a tad too often. Mm-hmm. And the ND is not aware, not aware of the hurt that the partner's feeling or the fear that the partner's feeling of triggering.

And often the partner, I mean, it's only recently that RSD has come into the mix the last few years. Often the partners have no idea what's going on. They just know, oh, this could trigger either an escalation or a withdrawal. And so they walk on the eggshells.

And often the partner, I mean, it's only recently that RSD has come into the mix the last few years. Often the partners have no idea what's going on. They just know, oh, this could trigger either an escalation or a withdrawal. And so they walk on the eggshells.

Yeah, I think that shame is very live and very real. And working with a couple, you try and create a compassionate and empathic space for that not to be quite so real. It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault.

Yeah, I think that shame is very live and very real. And working with a couple, you try and create a compassionate and empathic space for that not to be quite so real. It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault.

And especially when there is real efforts made to manage these conditions. Everybody has a temper. Everybody has to manage themselves. It's not just an ND domain. But that shame, you have to work with the couple. The couple need to be able to sort of not let the partner disintegrate into a shameful position because it's unfair. And it's not soothing. It's not soothing.

And especially when there is real efforts made to manage these conditions. Everybody has a temper. Everybody has to manage themselves. It's not just an ND domain. But that shame, you have to work with the couple. The couple need to be able to sort of not let the partner disintegrate into a shameful position because it's unfair. And it's not soothing. It's not soothing.

But it depends on the level of communication.

But it depends on the level of communication.

People have all sorts of techniques and strategies. I quite like it. I just like a couple to develop their own secret language around it, and I will help every couple do that. You know, come on, what's the language we're using? What are we doing? Are we using code words? Are you using signals? What are you doing? Are you using... What are you doing?

People have all sorts of techniques and strategies. I quite like it. I just like a couple to develop their own secret language around it, and I will help every couple do that. You know, come on, what's the language we're using? What are we doing? Are we using code words? Are you using signals? What are you doing? Are you using... What are you doing?

How are you going to develop this intimate language that you two can converse in, even in public... that just allows you both to know either when somebody is not feeling great or when somebody is just a little bit edgy because maybe that was a bit inappropriate. So how are you going to develop this couple language?

How are you going to develop this intimate language that you two can converse in, even in public... that just allows you both to know either when somebody is not feeling great or when somebody is just a little bit edgy because maybe that was a bit inappropriate. So how are you going to develop this couple language?