Katherine Morgan Schafler

or one person, you can pretty accurately understand what someone is feeling because you can feel it too. And the colloquial ways we describe empathic accuracy are like feeling someone's eyes on you from across the room, or like you walk into a room, I don't know if this has ever happened to you, and you could just like feel the tension in the room.

or one person, you can pretty accurately understand what someone is feeling because you can feel it too. And the colloquial ways we describe empathic accuracy are like feeling someone's eyes on you from across the room, or like you walk into a room, I don't know if this has ever happened to you, and you could just like feel the tension in the room.

You know the couple or something tense just happened. And so I studied that Because I think it's so interesting how people vary in their ability to feel what other people are feeling. And can we get better at doing that? And the people who are naturally good at it. and don't know it, like how much do they understand, oh, this person is upset, so let me work very hard to help them feel better.

You know the couple or something tense just happened. And so I studied that Because I think it's so interesting how people vary in their ability to feel what other people are feeling. And can we get better at doing that? And the people who are naturally good at it. and don't know it, like how much do they understand, oh, this person is upset, so let me work very hard to help them feel better.

You know the couple or something tense just happened. And so I studied that Because I think it's so interesting how people vary in their ability to feel what other people are feeling. And can we get better at doing that? And the people who are naturally good at it. and don't know it, like how much do they understand, oh, this person is upset, so let me work very hard to help them feel better.

And in doing that, you kind of can abandon yourself sometimes because it's like, that's not your job to attend to the other person's emotional landscape.

And in doing that, you kind of can abandon yourself sometimes because it's like, that's not your job to attend to the other person's emotional landscape.

And in doing that, you kind of can abandon yourself sometimes because it's like, that's not your job to attend to the other person's emotional landscape.

And so that's how it intersects with perfectionism because if you want perfect connections with people and you can feel that they're not connected with you or disconnected from themselves or sad or whatever, you can get into these really kind of codependent dynamics where you're trying to do the emotional labor for two people or a system of people like a family or a team at work when that's not your job, nor can you control it, right?

And so that's how it intersects with perfectionism because if you want perfect connections with people and you can feel that they're not connected with you or disconnected from themselves or sad or whatever, you can get into these really kind of codependent dynamics where you're trying to do the emotional labor for two people or a system of people like a family or a team at work when that's not your job, nor can you control it, right?

And so that's how it intersects with perfectionism because if you want perfect connections with people and you can feel that they're not connected with you or disconnected from themselves or sad or whatever, you can get into these really kind of codependent dynamics where you're trying to do the emotional labor for two people or a system of people like a family or a team at work when that's not your job, nor can you control it, right?

Perfectionist guide to losing control. not maintaining control.

Perfectionist guide to losing control. not maintaining control.

Perfectionist guide to losing control. not maintaining control.

I mean, I think there are lots of ways in which perfectionism shows up. And if you want to be understood in the way that you're describing, you might over-index on perfectly articulating what you're trying to say and over-index on the language that you're using at the expense of just allowing your energy and understanding

I mean, I think there are lots of ways in which perfectionism shows up. And if you want to be understood in the way that you're describing, you might over-index on perfectly articulating what you're trying to say and over-index on the language that you're using at the expense of just allowing your energy and understanding

I mean, I think there are lots of ways in which perfectionism shows up. And if you want to be understood in the way that you're describing, you might over-index on perfectly articulating what you're trying to say and over-index on the language that you're using at the expense of just allowing your energy and understanding

who you are to kind of also come into the room right and the way i describe this in the book is like when we think of moments that are perfect or when we perfectly connect to someone When I listen to people describe those moments, they are not describing flawlessness. They are describing wholeness, right? So a perfect moment is a moment which is already whole.

who you are to kind of also come into the room right and the way i describe this in the book is like when we think of moments that are perfect or when we perfectly connect to someone When I listen to people describe those moments, they are not describing flawlessness. They are describing wholeness, right? So a perfect moment is a moment which is already whole.

who you are to kind of also come into the room right and the way i describe this in the book is like when we think of moments that are perfect or when we perfectly connect to someone When I listen to people describe those moments, they are not describing flawlessness. They are describing wholeness, right? So a perfect moment is a moment which is already whole.