Kute Blackson
speaker
130 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard Nov 2024
Kute Blackson’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Now we're 35 in a relationship, doing the same thing. And that defense mechanism is holding on ego, holding on. We're holding on so tightly to that way of being in order to never feel that pain again. Hence, we are controlling who we're being and how we're being. And if we think if we can control all these elements, I'm never going to feel pain.
How helpless and how painful it was when I was five and seven, et cetera, et cetera. So if we can just understand, that's how ego starts getting created. Ego, which is the source of resistance, is not a thing. Ego is a process. Ego is a process of identification. Identification with ourselves as name, form, body, with ourselves as that way of being. So for instance, as children, we learned also,
oh, who do I need to be in order to get love, validation, and approval from my parents? Oh, for me, as a kid, I'm a preacher's kid, I learned, oh, if I'm responsible, if I get all A's, if I'm good, if I take care of everyone, if I smile, if I'm nice, if I never feel negative, Everybody loves me. Shit. Let me just do more of that. So, you know, I disconnected and betrayed parts of myself.
So we learned to develop all sorts of roles, masks, personas, and identity that we learned to become that we think now we can taught ourselves to be this person, Coot, right? Or John or Susan or whatever our name is. We learned to become this person. And we hold so tightly onto that, that gets reinforced by teachers and parents, society and those around us. We think that's who we are.
The version of ourselves that we've been patterned and conditioned to be to avoid pain and get love. And now we've become this persona, the overachiever, the successful one, the driven one, the whatever you want to call it, the independent one. And so now we've become this person. We hold so tightly onto that and we think that's who we are. But it's not.
It's just what we've been conditioned to be to survive. And that holding on is the survival mechanism to avoid pain and get love. When we recognize, so we have to realize that we are conditioned. And we're not who we think we are, really. And that's why we often hit a limitation in our adulthood. That's what got us to that point. Cannot get us to that next level.
Cannot get us to that level of true, authentic greatness to fulfill our true soul's destiny. It gets us to a point, but we end up reaching the edge of the egos, who we think we are. We end up reaching the end of the ego's capacity to manifest life. And that's often why We have a breakdown. That's often why we get fired in the spiritual context.
That's often why these events happen in life to break us down, to force us to surrender, not because we're doing anything wrong, but to force us to surrender so that we can go deeper and crack open and find who we really are. So ego isn't bad. When we realize, ah, shit, what's stopping me from living in that flow is my ego. But I'm not my ego. It's my conditioning.
And the degree to which we identify with ourselves as ego is the degree to which we are sometimes afraid. of surrendering because it feels like, oh shit, if I surrender, I am dying. And it's terrifying for the ego. So if we can realize that and then have compassion for ourselves, What's resisting and what's doing this dance? It's not me. It's just some of my conditioning.
And I'm not my conditioning. And I don't have to judge it. I don't have to fight it. I don't have to force it, beat it into submission of surrender. Maybe I can just meet that with some love. Maybe I can just meet my, if we can see ourselves doing our dance, then maybe I can see it has a positive intention. It's trying to get me love. Oh my God, it's like terrified of being hurt again.
So I'm doing this dance. And if we're able to see that and have the empathy and then meet ourselves with love and compassion and mercy and kindness, so that when we are afraid, when we are acting out, when we are doing our thing, then we can hold ourselves and say, hey, it's okay.
It's that loving, it's that compassion, it's that empathy that begins to allow that deeper egoic part of us to relax and then surrender completely.
So just first step is that's understanding the nature of ego. That's, I think, why we don't surrender. That begins the anatomy of understanding why we are doing this, right? And so in terms of the phases of surrender, at first we are often, let's say, unconscious, right? We're just doing what we're doing, living what we're doing, thinking that we are who we are. This is me. This is life.
And then we create life that often ends up limited in some way. We're unconscious. Maybe then we begin to become a little conscious. We start questioning. Then maybe we start seeing, hmm, maybe there's a different way. And now we're going to denial, a bit more conscious denial. And so now we're living a bit more in denial.
Then the next phase is we realize, hmm, maybe there's more to life than what I'm doing. Maybe there's more to me than what I've been living. Maybe who I am, you know, maybe someone listens to your podcast and they're like, maybe I'm Who I am is not who I really am. And I need to question who I am. We're afraid to question who we are because if I question who I am, then who the hell am I?
Ego freaks out, starts resisting. And so that next phase from denial is resistance. That's why we're resisting because it feels like... Who would I be if I'm not what I am and what I think I am, which is not really what I am, but like, who will I be? So resistance is a natural egoic human response, okay? It's normal, completely normal. Most of us resist our entire lives and then we die, right?
And so resistance is natural. To meet that with compassion and empathy and love is the key to melt that resistance so that we can then allow ourselves to feel some of the pain, those feelings, those emotions, the pain, the hurt, the fear, so we can start feeling those feelings and releasing those feelings
Because as we heal and release some of those feelings that we have been trained to suppress from childhood, then we no longer have to stay in ego to hold on to not feeling those feelings again. And that's where the transformational process is. That's what the transformational healing process is really about, with the therapist, with the guide, with the coach, through seminar, et cetera, et cetera.
So feeling those feelings. So now we're in resistance. After resisting, what we tend to do in the next phase of surrender is we start negotiating. Maybe I can... keep eating donuts in the morning and milkshakes and, you know, Big Macs and work out once a week and be healthy.
You know, maybe my partner, even though they're abusive and they've been like this for 10 years and it's this terrible relationship, maybe if I change, they'll change. Maybe, you know, they've got potential. So we start negotiating with life. Maybe when I'm 72, then I can finally launch that book and live my purpose. We end up negotiating our lives away, so many of us, and then we die.
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