Laurel van der Toorn

And I do a lot of work with my clients around like, nope, you have to take care of yourself first.

I also see this self-neglect pattern showing up in other areas besides parenting, people with unhealthy relationships with work or people in really enmeshed, codependent, romantic relationships where they forget themselves.

And that's a really tough one to unlearn.

But yes, ultimately, you are responsible for meeting your own needs unless you are a child.

I would just challenge any expectation you have of your adult children.

I mean, there's unfortunate scripts around like, oh, well, if you have kids, they'll take care of you when you're old.

Mm-mm.

Yeah, no.

They didn't agree to that, again.

Yeah.

Unless there was some kind of toxicity in the relationship to begin with.

Right.

But but yes, if you had a great, healthy, loving, close relationship with them as a kid and somewhat as a teen, like it could be a phase in their 20s.

Thank you.

Yeah.

What struck me about the particular article that you're referencing is like, yeah, this parent absolutely did what they set out to do to instill values in their kids of hard work, ambition and self-efficacy, you know, kind of independence.

And then here she is really missing her kids.

I'm assuming it's a mom.

Maybe it isn't.

Uh, no.