Leo Skeppi

The chips disappear.

There's no more chip.

So there's no more traits.

And then it's like, wait, did I even like anything on those chips?

Why did I have those chips?

The traits were just to have a chip to bargain.

But love is not something you have to bargain for.

So this is the mind fuck that nobody will ever talk about and I haven't seen anyone talk about it because this is very uncomfortable to talk about.

Unconditional love is not an easy thing to entertain and trying to stop earning love, you lose yourself.

Then it's like, okay, one step further.

All the things you've been doing to earn all these chips and collect all these chips, why am I doing them?

It's a whole deconstruction of like your self-identity and self-concept.

Of like with your actions and the way your life is set up and what you value.

Because you don't fucking know what you value.

You only value things that give you value and a chip that you can bet.

That's me right now.

But how I felt, like another way I can put this into words before I started realizing all this, I felt like I had every chip you could fucking amass and I'm sitting at a poker table.

I keep trying to bet them and the teller says they're invalid.

Try it again.

That's how I felt before.