Lewis Black

The problem is, nobody cares about the big awards either, because they keep nominating movies nobody has seen. I did see The Power of the Dog, but only because they tricked me into thinking it was a superhero movie. If the dog doesn't fly, that's not a power. So now the Academy has a real problem.

The problem is, nobody cares about the big awards either, because they keep nominating movies nobody has seen. I did see The Power of the Dog, but only because they tricked me into thinking it was a superhero movie. If the dog doesn't fly, that's not a power. So now the Academy has a real problem.

Sure, they could just nominate movies ordinary people like, but that wouldn't be a good idea either, because ordinary people are morons who only like dumb movies that don't deserve nominations. So instead, They come up with the perfect way to pander to fans, while also insulting our intelligence.

Sure, they could just nominate movies ordinary people like, but that wouldn't be a good idea either, because ordinary people are morons who only like dumb movies that don't deserve nominations. So instead, They come up with the perfect way to pander to fans, while also insulting our intelligence.

What a great idea! Let's let Russian bots choose the Oscars. They did such a terrific job with our elections. There's already a vote for fan favorite. It's called buying a ticket, asshole. If the Oscars are so desperate for viewers, there are better ways to get eyeballs than cutting categories or polling Twitter. How about a halftime show? It works for the Super Bowl.

What a great idea! Let's let Russian bots choose the Oscars. They did such a terrific job with our elections. There's already a vote for fan favorite. It's called buying a ticket, asshole. If the Oscars are so desperate for viewers, there are better ways to get eyeballs than cutting categories or polling Twitter. How about a halftime show? It works for the Super Bowl.

Also, how about making the stars smash their heads together until they get brain damage? It works for the Super Bowl. But really, we all know what makes the Oscars such a drag. Those interminable speeches and clearly playing people off with music doesn't do jack shit. And that's why I've come up with a way to guarantee the winners don't wear out their welcome.

Also, how about making the stars smash their heads together until they get brain damage? It works for the Super Bowl. But really, we all know what makes the Oscars such a drag. Those interminable speeches and clearly playing people off with music doesn't do jack shit. And that's why I've come up with a way to guarantee the winners don't wear out their welcome.

All right, everyone, let's keep it short. My bus transfer expires in 15 minutes, and I intend to use it.

All right, everyone, let's keep it short. My bus transfer expires in 15 minutes, and I intend to use it.

Yeah, we all agree your speech has gone on long enough. Save the rest for your diary, Bridget Jones.

Yeah, we all agree your speech has gone on long enough. Save the rest for your diary, Bridget Jones.

Neil Armstrong's speech was one sentence. You're a disgrace to his legacy.

Neil Armstrong's speech was one sentence. You're a disgrace to his legacy.

You gotta be kidding me. The glaciers may be melting, but at least they move faster than this. For the last time, keep the speeches short and to the point.

You gotta be kidding me. The glaciers may be melting, but at least they move faster than this. For the last time, keep the speeches short and to the point.

That's not only a great idea, it's a great performance. Where's my Oscar?

That's not only a great idea, it's a great performance. Where's my Oscar?

It's February, the most depressing month of the year, which means it's time for Valentine's Day, the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone. And if you haven't got the money or the energy for the holiday of love, feast your eyes on this. Free, computerized, pre-made Valentine's cards that you can email to all of your girlfriends.

It's February, the most depressing month of the year, which means it's time for Valentine's Day, the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone. And if you haven't got the money or the energy for the holiday of love, feast your eyes on this. Free, computerized, pre-made Valentine's cards that you can email to all of your girlfriends.