Lewis Howes

Wow.

And, um, so like getting in was like, it has begun, you know, like I was on this path and, and I like things were, I was feeling good.

Like there were, there were times when we were doing stuff, I was like, I, uh,

Crushed it.

Pretty good.

I genuinely felt like some of the stuff that I'd gone through when I was a kid and in my teens and my personality that I'd hung out with a lot of guys that then ended up becoming career criminals.

But at the same time, I sort of came from a household with a lot of women and

Mom was a therapist.

I was used to talking about my feelings I had this sort of this little blend in my personality that I was already noticing like I can be like a little intimidating and dominant, but I'm also like it's pretty easy for me to be vulnerable and Sensitive and then I could just feel like it's lending itself for these qualities I can find myself in all these different kinds of characters and anyway, so

I was in the abyss there because I was feeling that something in me is telling me that I can't do this.

And it's like I'm not being able... I can't eat.

I'm throwing up.

And now I'm having panic attacks.

It's like my constitution can't handle this.

So I guess I should quit.

And that idea...

the notion of that was just like so devastating um it was like that was literally like giving up on life it was like i'm i'm you know i've never been suicidal but that was like the closest to like

You know, that just felt like giving up on any promise of life.

So it was so devastating to me.

And I think that because the stakes of that was so big, I was able to like challenge myself in the way that I've... So I started thinking about like, I can't do that.