Liliana

That's what he wanted to do.

Even if I was asleep, he would come wake me up and just take me to the guest bedroom.

And it just made me really dissociative.

Dissociation to me is kind of like, instead of looking through my eyes, it's as if I'm watching this on a big screen in a movie theater.

I started to feel like my life isn't real and it's just something that I'm watching.

And I just felt so powerless.

And it was after he raped me that I went mute.

It was like I floated so far away from the controls.

If you've seen Inside Out, they have that little control panel.

It was like I couldn't reach it anymore.

And I was just floating up above myself and just watching myself.

And that went on for weeks.

And I wasn't talking to anyone.

I would still go to school and my teacher gave me a pass because I would like write stuff.

But I just wasn't talking to anyone.

Nobody, not a word.

And most of the time when people talk to me, I wouldn't even acknowledge them.

Like I wouldn't even look their way or anything.

It was like nobody could even get through to me.

When I think about what it felt like for me at this time, I just feel like my soul was somewhere like just floating somewhere.