Liliana

Say no, get beaten, and then it happens anyway.

I'm not doing it.

So I was just very overly compliant.

And that's what this kind of abuse does to children.

It makes them

feel like they have no option, like they just have to go with it.

So he took me up to the guest bedroom, separated from my mom's bedroom by just one wall is between me and my mom, and he's doing this to me.

He puts the black beanie on me,

And puts me on the guest bed.

I'm, like, face down on all fours.

And I remember, like, feeling something really slippery.

Like, my child brain, the only thing I could think of that was so slippery was, like, butter when it melted.

So I was like, why is he putting melted butter on me right now?

Like, it's just really weird.

And then...

yeah he raped me it was it was not putting his finger in my butt I did not understand that like things could go in your vagina I thought it was like booty only and whatever and I think he also did that so that if I did disclose I would just say he put a finger in my butt which is totally different than he raped me you know stuck penetrated me so he he did that and all I really remember about the first time is just like pain I feel like I feel like I just blacked out

I don't remember how the night ended.

I don't remember going to bed.

I don't remember.

But after that, it was like he wanted to do it all the time, all the time.