Logan Urie

So you can definitely build the spark over time.

And the idea of a slow burn is somebody who may not be initially as charming as that other sparky person, but they would make a great long-term partner.

And you can really win in the dating game by looking for a slow burn person, somebody who other people overlook.

Sophia, I have absolutely been there before where the chase is really exciting.

And then once somebody shows interest, it can be harder to maintain that interest.

And if you're not familiar with attachment theory, I want to talk to you about what might be going on.

So

Cliff's Notes version of attachment theory.

There's three main attachment styles.

So the first one is secure.

You're comfortable with intimacy, but you're also comfortable with time alone.

Anxious attachment.

You worry that people are going to abandon you.

You constantly want to be in touch.

If somebody doesn't respond to the meme you sent them that morning, you start spiraling and you want to be more connected.

And avoidant, you worry that somebody is going to smother you and eventually disappoint you.

So you pull away before they can even get close.

So what we know is that around 50% of the pool is secure, 25% is anxious, and 25% is avoidant.

Sounds pretty good.

There's a lot of secure daters out there, but that's not the whole story.