Lou Wall

I was going on a date with a guy.

Obviously I had to get there early.

and I'm walking and it starts to like kind of rain and I'm really close to the restaurant we are meeting at and so I start like um you know people who wear glasses know that when it rains and the rain gets on your glasses you can't see so I like started doing this and like looking down and I'm walking across the road and just before I hit like the curb there's one of those grates that um I don't like I think Sydney has them as well but like a very Melbourne like great drain and

like a little hole and I see a puppy in the drain and so immediately like the date goes out of my mind I'm like it's a rescue mission um and so I kind of start like freaking out like I try and like pull it but like it's not budging like it's like really jammed in and then like I'm like yell like there's a couple of skaters across the road and I'm like put down your vapes this is an emergency like

And two other people stop, and we're, like, pulling, and by this time, it's, like, the water is also rising in the drain, and I know these type of dogs.

It, like, looks, like, quite golden and brown, like, maybe, like, a Cavoodle or something, and I'm really starting to, like, freak out.

There's, like, no-one around, so I'm, like, whose dog could this possibly be?

And we're all pulling, and it's, like, really stark, and I'm, like, OK, like, I'm just going to, like, call the lesbians.

They will have a crowbar.

And so I call my ex and I'm like, got a crowbar?

Bring your tools.

And then I also like called my old boss because he had a restaurant on that street and he came like 20 minutes later.

He brought like a fork.

I was like, cunt.

could never trust a man i keep saying yeah and then so by this time there's about six people right and we're literally all pulling um my ex has come that she has a crowbar and it is really fucking not coming off uh and it starts to like downpour downpour and you know the melbourne downpours like when they happen you're instantly soaked so i feel like quite bad that like

we can't get this dog out and then also that i'm making all these people get like sopping wet and we're pulling and we're pulling and then finally once we put the crowbar in one side level that up and then on the other side level it up we open the drain and i'm like thank god like i'm like tears of relief at this stage i jump into the drain i pick it up and that is when i realize uh it's not a dog it is a croissant

Are you serious?

You weren't like, come on over here.

I wasn't hearing bark.

Lou.