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Matteo Lane

👤 Person
534 total appearances

Appearances Over Time

Podcast Appearances

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

oh it's enough of the ocean no get out of here i don't care about it i don't care i'll stand by it get tanned i'm not going in it under no circumstances stop it it is so i'm i i'm so sick of the ocean are you and i don't care what it does for the i don't give a shit It's constantly trying to kill us. We've not learned our lessons. Fool me once, forget about it.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

Hurricanes and tsunamis and Titanic. It's enough. We found land. That's all my algorithm is, ocean shit. Oh, those dumb ships that are in the middle of the fucking sea and this and that.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

Hurricanes and tsunamis and Titanic. It's enough. We found land. That's all my algorithm is, ocean shit. Oh, those dumb ships that are in the middle of the fucking sea and this and that.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

Hurricanes and tsunamis and Titanic. It's enough. We found land. That's all my algorithm is, ocean shit. Oh, those dumb ships that are in the middle of the fucking sea and this and that.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

And what are you doing that a plane can't do it? Stop it. Make bigger planes. I'm done with the ocean. It's enough. Just demons. Octopus can change color and morph. And even the devil looks at octopus. They're like, whoa, like it is just enough.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

And what are you doing that a plane can't do it? Stop it. Make bigger planes. I'm done with the ocean. It's enough. Just demons. Octopus can change color and morph. And even the devil looks at octopus. They're like, whoa, like it is just enough.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

And what are you doing that a plane can't do it? Stop it. Make bigger planes. I'm done with the ocean. It's enough. Just demons. Octopus can change color and morph. And even the devil looks at octopus. They're like, whoa, like it is just enough.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

Mariah carries high notes and pitbulls. Really? I love pit bulls. I can't get enough of them. Oh, they're just so cute. Pit bulls are pretty fucking awesome. Oh, their little fat heads and their smiles. You know what I hate, though? I hate when you're trying to get into a really cute dog moment and these fucking white women add baby voices to the dogs. Have you seen this?

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

Mariah carries high notes and pitbulls. Really? I love pit bulls. I can't get enough of them. Oh, they're just so cute. Pit bulls are pretty fucking awesome. Oh, their little fat heads and their smiles. You know what I hate, though? I hate when you're trying to get into a really cute dog moment and these fucking white women add baby voices to the dogs. Have you seen this?

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

Mariah carries high notes and pitbulls. Really? I love pit bulls. I can't get enough of them. Oh, they're just so cute. Pit bulls are pretty fucking awesome. Oh, their little fat heads and their smiles. You know what I hate, though? I hate when you're trying to get into a really cute dog moment and these fucking white women add baby voices to the dogs. Have you seen this?

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

I think I'm married to one. It's enough. You're trying to get into this cute dog and then all of a sudden you just hear like, Daddy what? Daddy who? The dog can't talk. Let me just enjoy how cute this dog is without this white woman. White woman, it is enough. You talked about this at the beginning of your special. It's enough already. You're not even married to one. No. I mean, I'm exhausted.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

I think I'm married to one. It's enough. You're trying to get into this cute dog and then all of a sudden you just hear like, Daddy what? Daddy who? The dog can't talk. Let me just enjoy how cute this dog is without this white woman. White woman, it is enough. You talked about this at the beginning of your special. It's enough already. You're not even married to one. No. I mean, I'm exhausted.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

I think I'm married to one. It's enough. You're trying to get into this cute dog and then all of a sudden you just hear like, Daddy what? Daddy who? The dog can't talk. Let me just enjoy how cute this dog is without this white woman. White woman, it is enough. You talked about this at the beginning of your special. It's enough already. You're not even married to one. No. I mean, I'm exhausted.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

They would be so disappointed in me. Why? They would. I would just be crying. They would be like consoling me. They would be like, it's okay, you know. It's what I do. I guess I would love to try, but I would be so disappointed to them. That's the only thing. I'm such a people pleaser. They'd be like, oh, this really didn't go the way.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

They would be so disappointed in me. Why? They would. I would just be crying. They would be like consoling me. They would be like, it's okay, you know. It's what I do. I guess I would love to try, but I would be so disappointed to them. That's the only thing. I'm such a people pleaser. They'd be like, oh, this really didn't go the way.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

They would be so disappointed in me. Why? They would. I would just be crying. They would be like consoling me. They would be like, it's okay, you know. It's what I do. I guess I would love to try, but I would be so disappointed to them. That's the only thing. I'm such a people pleaser. They'd be like, oh, this really didn't go the way.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

I mean, I remember when I was in Puerto Vallarta, Bob, my friend, Bob, the drag queen, he was like, we're going to go to a strip club. I'm so not cool about it. Like everyone else could like, you know, pay money and then they dance on you and they can like be in the fantasy. Literally at one point, Bob has like six strippers around me. I had this stripper, you know, paid him whatever, 700 pesos.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

I mean, I remember when I was in Puerto Vallarta, Bob, my friend, Bob, the drag queen, he was like, we're going to go to a strip club. I'm so not cool about it. Like everyone else could like, you know, pay money and then they dance on you and they can like be in the fantasy. Literally at one point, Bob has like six strippers around me. I had this stripper, you know, paid him whatever, 700 pesos.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

I mean, I remember when I was in Puerto Vallarta, Bob, my friend, Bob, the drag queen, he was like, we're going to go to a strip club. I'm so not cool about it. Like everyone else could like, you know, pay money and then they dance on you and they can like be in the fantasy. Literally at one point, Bob has like six strippers around me. I had this stripper, you know, paid him whatever, 700 pesos.

Bertcast
# 670 - Meat Prints with Matteo Lane

And I'm rubbing his back saying it.