Melissa Urban

The green is, hey, would you please call before you come over and give us at least an hour's notice? That would be really helpful. Thanks. That's your green, right? You're going in with a request. You're inviting her and meet it. Chances are she's going to go, yeah, that's fine. Now, she shows up on your door again after you've expressed that limit and it's not some kind of emergency.

The green is, hey, would you please call before you come over and give us at least an hour's notice? That would be really helpful. Thanks. That's your green, right? You're going in with a request. You're inviting her and meet it. Chances are she's going to go, yeah, that's fine. Now, she shows up on your door again after you've expressed that limit and it's not some kind of emergency.

You're free to open the door and say, oh, Barbara, you didn't call and it's not a good time. Would you like to come back and visit this weekend or should I just call you later on tonight? Right. That's you holding your boundary.

You're free to open the door and say, oh, Barbara, you didn't call and it's not a good time. Would you like to come back and visit this weekend or should I just call you later on tonight? Right. That's you holding your boundary.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Red is you don't answer the door. Because you've asked now several times for her to call before she comes by and it's not an unreasonable request. And so the answer is like, you are not entitled to my time and home and space and family anytime you please. That does not feel unreasonable to me.

Red is you don't answer the door. Because you've asked now several times for her to call before she comes by and it's not an unreasonable request. And so the answer is like, you are not entitled to my time and home and space and family anytime you please. That does not feel unreasonable to me.

Sometimes you have to live in the yellow. So this is really common with conversations around diet,

Sometimes you have to live in the yellow. So this is really common with conversations around diet,

body weight if it's like really ingrained in your family to talk about how much weight you've lost or whether or not this person has lost weight or how many calories you're consuming and these conversations tend to happen like around food that can be really uncomfortable and triggering for some people so you may say hey i would prefer not to participate in conversations where we're talking about my body your body anyone's body calories can we just not talk about that

body weight if it's like really ingrained in your family to talk about how much weight you've lost or whether or not this person has lost weight or how many calories you're consuming and these conversations tend to happen like around food that can be really uncomfortable and triggering for some people so you may say hey i would prefer not to participate in conversations where we're talking about my body your body anyone's body calories can we just not talk about that

and they say yes and then they bring it up at the table because it's very common like family culture you might have to use that yellow limit and remind them hey we agreed not to talk about this if you can't change the subject i'm going to excuse myself from the table you may have to live in the yellow for a while if you're trying to re kind of change family patterns but if they agree in the moment they say oh yeah you're right i forgot then that's a win yeah

and they say yes and then they bring it up at the table because it's very common like family culture you might have to use that yellow limit and remind them hey we agreed not to talk about this if you can't change the subject i'm going to excuse myself from the table you may have to live in the yellow for a while if you're trying to re kind of change family patterns but if they agree in the moment they say oh yeah you're right i forgot then that's a win yeah

And when you do that, when you continue to remind them, eventually, right, they're going to remember, they're going to remind themselves. And that's how you change entire family. Yeah.

And when you do that, when you continue to remind them, eventually, right, they're going to remember, they're going to remind themselves. And that's how you change entire family. Yeah.

uh so frequently yeah i feel like that's not an area where i have enough credentials or experience to talk about because there are so many factors involved in people's eating habits, right? There's physiological factors, there's stress factors, there's emotional factors, there's the impact of the kind of food that we're eating and the foods that are being marketed to us.

uh so frequently yeah i feel like that's not an area where i have enough credentials or experience to talk about because there are so many factors involved in people's eating habits, right? There's physiological factors, there's stress factors, there's emotional factors, there's the impact of the kind of food that we're eating and the foods that are being marketed to us.

I think there are a lot of reasons and boundaries around food are tricky because you never want a boundary to feel punitive. So, do I have boundaries around food? Kind of, I guess, in that I don't eat foods that I know don't work for my body. but that's not like all the time.

I think there are a lot of reasons and boundaries around food are tricky because you never want a boundary to feel punitive. So, do I have boundaries around food? Kind of, I guess, in that I don't eat foods that I know don't work for my body. but that's not like all the time.