Melissa Vranjes

I'm not here.

Giving yourself enough time to really drop in allows your body to go into a sexy head space, body space to go, okay, I am available for sexual connection right now.

Most women go to, okay, I've got to be turned on because they've got a boner or they're aroused.

And we put pressure on our bodies to get turned on within five minutes.

Stop doing it.

It's not good.

You're not going to get there.

The more pressure you put on yourself, the less pleasure you're going to feel.

Ease off the pressure where you can.

that helps why does it take so long for a woman to get there so i think we want first of all women are so wired up differently to men is that we do just need more time and when we accept that and learn how to work with it our orgasms won't be so uh mystical or like

unattainable.

We have a different responsive time.

So when we're looking at desire, responsive desire, spontaneous desire, a lot of men experience spontaneous desire, woman responsive desire, which means you get turned on after the sexual activity has begun, i.e.

kissing or hugging.

So it's like just acknowledging that you take more time looking at arousal patterns.

So something that I do when I'm on couples calls is

is we will literally, I will draw a graph on the screen and each of them will map out their arousal patterns.

So what I see in heterosexual relationships, especially as men go right up the scale, which is we're looking at time on the bottom and on the Y axis.

is arousal time, so peak arousal experience.

Doesn't mean orgasm, just peak arousal experience.