Miranda July
speaker
106 appearances
2 recordings
1 series
first heard Dec 2024
last heard Jan 2025
Miranda July’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
So what exactly had to change and what could stay the same changed. I feel like it's still changing. I mean, kind of as long as we're a family, which will hopefully be forever, you know, you've got three changing people in it whose needs are changing and who are trying to be honest. And I guess that was the big shift was like, oh, we're not going to pretend we're not changing anymore.
And that a lot of those changes have nothing to do with each other anymore. Or this thing that we've built. But, you know, as much as you worry about the kid, my biggest worry was that they wouldn't get to see me as I really was. And I say they because they're non-binary. There's just one kid there.
Because I started to realize, oh, there's a whole lot of myself that happens outside the home with my best friend or in my studio alone being creative or just me alone in the world. Like I feel like I'm starting to feel like this part that used to just be like me on a break or, you know, at work. This may be the lion's share of me. This might be kind of what I have to offer them.
as far as one way to live, one way to be. But actually, when I go home, I'm being like a smaller version and not kind of like I... just less interesting to even to myself like because I was biting my tongue a lot and no one was asking me to do this by the way like it's it's very personal I know a lot of people who the freest they feel is is in their home and you know the world is terrifying but
And so I began to feel like something I had to do for my child. Like, I need to change these circumstances so they can see who I really am.
I – it is interesting. I feel a little different since the book came out. Like I've now read so many emails and messages and comments on my sub stack about women at this point or women doing things differently or trying to figure this out that I no longer – I'm like, is there a way to answer this question?
That isn't specific to me because I actually don't feel like... I think at the time I felt very unique and very like no one's doing what I'm doing and both worried by that and sort of proud. And now I'm like, no. This is incredibly widespread, at least lots of thoughts about it. And then people trying to figure out how to do it. I mean, the thing of living... Together, it's what you're used to.
Obviously, that's not going to work if you're incredibly embattled, you know. But if you're not, then it is kind of an opportunity to see who the other person is a bit more. Like, wow, this person who is like my longtime friend. like, but I never could quite see what they were like when they're dating, you know?
Not that, like, you're necessarily getting any details or anything, but just, like, their energy, you know, because you were the person they were dating, and now you're not. And, like, yeah, there might be some sadness or strangeness about that, but... you're also like, look at you, you're a person. Like I never really gave you all of that. And meanwhile, you're also getting it too.
Like they're seeing you as a person more completely and nothing you do is threatening in the old way. You know, the way every new thing and change is like sort of threatening when you're in a couple sometimes. And if you know it's going to be a lifelong relationship,
You know, partly because of the child, but also because, you know, life isn't that long and you've already invested so much time and energy with this person. Like maybe that's sort of interesting to get to see and be seen, you know, in this different way.
So, yeah, the four days, every other four days, I'm alone, you know, or wherever, whoever I choose to sleep with. Like in my 20s. Like it's really... Like, you really have to stop and think when you have that time alone where you're not responsible. Like, what actually am I doing here in this life? Like, what do I feel? And you keep...
Just because you've unburdened yourself practically, you know, from this construction or these real responsibilities doesn't mean they just automatically lift off your shoulders. Like most of my issues come from within, right? So suddenly you're like, oh, it wasn't all the construction of marriage or this.
patriarchy or those it was those things but they're inside me and I'm still running for dear life or replacing those constructions with new ones you know anything that'll fill up my time take my time please you know Instagram whatever like and so to actually be willing to take on that freedom, it's a real practice. And I don't mean to make it sound hard or scary.
It's only hard in the way that a new habit is hard.
I mean, I think I wasn't ever like, I'm not like a music head. So the thing that drew me to punk, especially as a teenager, was first of all, it was an all ages scene. Like the clubs, like I could go to them. They weren't, they didn't have alcohol. And not only that, but the whole premise was you don't have to be taught. Like you can figure it out yourself easily.
And that was great for me, who did not want to be taught by anyone anyways, and wanted access to a space, a world, a literal... I mean, I put my first plays on in a punk club in 924 Gilman, a sort of seminal all-ages punk club in Berkeley. And that was... So great. Honestly, I would wish that on any teenager to have the freedom to do something outside of school.
That's while punk seems sort of lawless, it actually was a structure. You know, it did formalize what I was doing.
Well, I moved to Portland to be with my girlfriend at the time, and Riot Grrrl kind of had just happened. I'd say I sort of missed it slightly. But certainly the feminist underpinning was all there.
Initially, let's see, my girlfriend and I broke up. She moved out. We had to cover her rent. And I remember my friend at the time said, Like, how are we going to get this money really quickly, you know, that we were missing? And she said, well, one of us is going to have to strip and it can't be me because I have glasses. And I was like, okay.
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