Miranda

other offices.

So there was one professor and his assistant on the other side of the door.

He would make me give him a blow job or make me receive oral sex from him while all of my peers were right next door to me.

The door locked, of course, but if he didn't lock the door, like someone could have just opened the door and seen these things that I thought that I really wanted.

But as time went on and rehearsal went on, I realized that I didn't want to do

All of this was happening during the rehearsal process of this play.

So I would come from work, maybe eat if I had time, and I would go to his office and meet him and be forced to give or receive oral sex and then feel disgusting.

And I would have to go then rehearse this show that I loved so much.

But I felt so conflicted because I also felt that I genuinely loved him.

For several months, I wanted to be with him.

I wanted to graduate college and I wanted him to quit his job.

And I wanted us to run away to California and be cool, professional actors.

That is what we talked about.

I'm really sorry.

young and I don't have a lot of experience in relationships at all.

And this is technically my first relationship ever.

This must just be how it is.

You do things that you don't want to do, but it's because you love the person.

You just do whatever you have to do.

yeah there were totally times when it was consensual especially at the beginning the first time that we'd ever made out and made physical contact felt awesome i really enjoyed it i will not say that every single sexual experience i had with him was forced