Neil Brown

speaker

575 appearances 2 recordings 1 series first heard Nov 2016 last heard Aug 2017

Neil Brown’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children · TPP 032: How to Eliminate Control Battles With Your Differently-Wired Teen, with Neil Brown · 1 Nov 2016 podcast

So, and plus they want more privileges and they want more independence.

And so that's the negotiation that goes on between parents and kids, and it's quite normal, and it doesn't necessarily mean that there's anything bad going on.

It's just is that's just the nature of the beast.

However, when families and kids get into a pattern of interaction where parents are constantly trying to get the kids to either do or

Or not do certain behaviors.

And then those kids are resisting those efforts on their parents' part and they're trying to avoid parental control and they're pushing against parental authority, then that pattern can become rigidified so that parents anticipate that everything their kids are gonna do, they're gonna get pushback from.

And kids anticipate that no matter what they do, their parents are gonna be critical and controlling.

And so those patterns develop where kids put their effort into resistance instead of putting their efforts into development.

And parents end up in a state of frustration that feels very much like they've got their hands tied.

Very much like if they, if you would picture, you know, driving your car and then getting caught on the shoulder on the side of the road and trying to pull your way.

out, except you're in the mud and the more you step on the gas, the more you sink.

And then when you don't step on the gas, you just sit there.

And sometimes that's what parents feel like, that if they try to do something with their kid, they're just gonna it's just gonna make it worse.

And if they don't do something with their kid, they're just nothing positive is gonna happen.

So they feel like they've got two bad options.

And that's when they're definitely grooved into into a control battle.

And so what I've done in the book

Is I've personified the control battle.

I've said, look, the problem is not you, the parent, and the problem is not your wonderful kid.

The problem is that you've gotten into a pattern.

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