TPP 032: How to Eliminate Control Battles With Your Differently-Wired Teen, with Neil Brown
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
38 min
2 speakers
7 chapters
transcribed 9 hours ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is the purpose of parenting and how does it differ for differently‑wired teens?
When a parent is parenting, are they parenting to change their kid's behavior? Are they parenting to manage their kid? Or are they parenting because these are values, these are standards, these are expectations, and I'm clarifying those. So parents need to focus on parental functions, what belongs to me and what belongs to my kid.
Welcome to the Tilt Parenting Podcast, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. I'm your host, Debbie Rieber, and I'm really looking forward to the subject of today's episode. We spent a lot of time talking about the needs of our kids in the primary school years, ages six, seven, eight, nine, as that's often when neural differences are really beginning to stand out and make themselves known. But what we haven't done a lot of yet in the Tilt podcast is talk about teenagers and the challenges parents raising differently wired adolescents are dealing with. So today I'm happy to be talking with Neil Brown, a licensed clinical social worker, and the author of a new book all about teens called Ending the Parent Teen Control Battle: Resolve the Power Struggle and Build Trust, Responsibility, and Respect.
Neil works with parents, teens, couples, and adults as a therapist, and he has the unique experience of having worked as a teacher in a school for children with developmental delays. So he finds himself supporting families dealing with developmental disorders, spectrum disorders, highly sensitive teens, and more. No matter what age your child is, I know you'll get something valuable out of our conversation. Because what I know for sure is, especially as I'm adapting to my new 12-year-old and all the new stuff that comes along with being on the verge of teendom, all kids grow up eventually. As always, thanks for listening to the Tilt Parenting Podcast. To learn more about Tilt, visit www.tiltparenting.com.
Hey everyone, this is Debbie Reaver with the Tilt Parenting Podcast, and I am happy to welcome today's guest to the show, Neil Brown. Hi Neil.
Hi Debbie.
So I'm really looking forward to talking about your brand new book and your work with teens. But before we do that, I always like to start conversations by just learning more about who our guests are. So would you mind just taking a few minutes to tell us your story? I'm sure it takes more than a few minutes for your whole story, but um, you know, maybe how you got into doing this work with children and teens.
Okay, well here's going way back when I was a Vista volunteer, which was volunteers in service to America. That was in my twenties, which was quite a few years ago. I was a teacher in a school for developmentally delayed kids and young adults in a very rural part of southern Colorado. So it was it was pretty cold and it was uh pretty remote. And in when I went there found that the kids were not doing all that well and the teaching staff there had a pretty negative tone and the kids never seemed very happy or engaged. And we started going out to the families' homes, which sometimes was a long drive, forty, fifty miles out. And sometimes they spoke a language that I didn't speak.
How did Neil Brown’s early work with developmentally delayed students shape his approach to teen control battles?
They spoke Spanish and I was uh a newcomer to the language and they did broken English, I did broken Spanish, and we basically wanted to connect with them and say, Hey, your kids are fabulous. We really like them and like having them and please come visit us. And we had some potlucks. And before you know it, these uh kids were lighting up and the parents were proud of their kids and they were seeing their work. We went to the special National Olympics, we started doing some really fun things. So it was then and there that I realized that there's a magic power in families that families can make the real big difference. And I thought, hmm, that's really interesting. And then I discovered from a social worker that was working at the school that there's this thing called family therapy.
And I said, wow, that's what I want to study.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What is the purpose of parenting and how does it differ for differently‑wired teens?
0:00–3:22
2
How did Neil Brown’s early work with developmentally delayed students shape his approach to teen control battles?
3:22–11:54
3
What exactly is a “control battle” and how does it show up in teen‑parent relationships?
11:54–18:12
4
Why does Neil call the recurring conflict pattern the “beast” and how does it feed on family dynamics?
18:12–23:41
5
What practical steps can parents take to shift from reactive control to empowering privilege‑earned responsibilities?
23:41–30:12
6
How do depression and other mental‑health challenges intensify control battles for differently‑wired teens?
30:12–35:50
7
What strategies help teens with ADHD, learning disabilities, or autism develop self‑advocacy and reduce power struggles?
35:50–38:07
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids