Nicholas Epley
speaker
161 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Oct 2024
last heard Oct 2024
Nicholas Epley’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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The problem with body language is that it can lead as well as it can mislead.
One of the things...
that i think is most important about this misunderstanding and we're learning this in research where we're doing more recently is that there's a pretty common mistake that we tend to make about the minds of others that i actually think can have pretty profound catastrophic effects on our well-being and happiness and that is that we tend to systematically underestimate how positively other people respond to them when we reach out
and approach them.
We reach out to say hello or to try to have a meaningful or deeper conversation.
We tend to be overly pessimistic about how other people will respond to us.
And some of this comes from reading body language.
If you're walking down the hallway and somebody says hi to you, they might not be saying hi to you because you're not saying hi to them.
But we can infer, people might infer that this person isn't interested in us.
And that can be a meaningful mistake that can keep us from reaching out and connecting with other people because we think that others aren't so interested in us.
And in recent years, we've been finding that that kind of pessimism about the minds of other people, and in particular, how interested other people are engaging in us, can create a barrier to us reaching out with them.
And I think that that can contribute to the kind of loneliness we're seeing out there in the world.
talk to me.
Well, they don't seem interested.
And once we are talking to them, we find that we tend to stay too shallow in conversation because we can think about what's on the mind of another, which means that we can worry about what others are thinking about us.
We tend to be concerned that others are thinking poorly of us.
So let's not be too vulnerable.
Let's hold back.
Let's keep it kind of on the shallow end of the conversation pool.
And as a result,
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