Nick Mullen
speaker
634 appearances
5 recordings
2 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard Apr 2025
Nick Mullen’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
The Adam Friedland Show · The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Ari Shaffir - Episode 90 · 25 Jan 2025
podcast
yeah and then like they'll just keep wearing it some of these companies are like i don't know we've been paying these guys for 10 years and no one's buying it's like yeah it's the same 15 people yeah listen to this show honestly it's just comedians just send them one pair of jeans they'll just wear them almost every comic yeah some guy brought me some guy brought me shorts you look like nanette dude it's not bad can i see can i see the uh the tag
That's aggressive, and it looks like an eye test chart. Yeah. That would be a cool movie, right? Like an optometrist that is a killer. Oh. And somebody gets their eyes checked, and then they're like, now read the last line. And they're squinting, the guy's squinting, and then the last line says, I killed your wife. And he's like, wait a minute.
And then he knocks the thing, and the optometrist shoots him. Uh-huh.
we just slowly sees a pin coming out and then it says the end like blood comes out yeah yeah um like it run it yeah guys fashion project yeah guys let me go to direct yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna walk around i'm gonna go pretend like i'm doing habitat for humanity in la and i'm gonna find steven spielberg and be like i'm here to rebuild your home also the optometrist.
It's a post-it note with just what I said on it. So what's the pitch? This is it. Now, I know there's formatting issues here, but this is the screenplay. It just says the optometrist, but you could read it, right? Yeah, right. And then it says the end. But he's a killer. He's a killer optometrist. And the eye chart at the bottom, it says, I killed your wife. Ha, ha, ha.
Well, then take this shirt off. Take this shirt off. You shouldn't be wearing anything but the jeans, including your glasses and your engagement ring.
Your body's a wonderland. Let's edit in some mid-90s Fox wooing noises for the rest of the episode.
Anyways, back to the read.
This is for you, buddy. This is for you, Tommy. This is a going away present money for you. No, it's not. The going away present is going away.
That looks tough. We should get some spoons and forks for you to curl.
If he was confidently saying... bar and there's pictures of him at the inauguration with the president there's just vomit all over his shirt his tuxedo he doesn't puke quiet like regular he's just throwing up while taking the pictures excuse me it's been an hour yeah constantly just a slow leak of like oatmeal bulimia breath yeah
You know how those raw food guys on the show that's telling about it? He's like, in Afghanistan, we would have to barf to cover our smell. That's how I got into it because the local Afghans, they can smell you. But you're upwind. But if you cover yourself in diarrhea and barf, they wouldn't be able to tell where the troops were. And that's why we have to kill every migrant.
uh you guys that took a dark turn that's what they say on that thing that's what he says on that on that on that program on the right wing don't have to kill radical right wing uh c-span c-span um it's funny they're doing all these deportations you think there's like somewhere in like ecuador mexico there's somebody that's like seeing a guy come off a plane he's like well well yeah
Look who came crawling back. It wasn't my choice. We told you you wouldn't make it. I told you you could never make it in America.
Also, before I depart, a final thank you to the good folks at Ridge Wallet, who sent me a very nice care package for Christmas.
Just that they haven't sponsored the show in forever, but they just send me stuff anyways because they're nice. That's how easy it is to get a read on this shit.
Yeah, they sent me the luggage set. What? Ridge Wallet. Yeah, they have the luggage. The luggage is really nice, although it did get dinged up pretty bad by the fucking baggage handlers at JFK. It's not Ridge's fault. Fucking assholes at JFK. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm pretty sure they're Italian. What? But anyways, yeah, they sent me a nice, and they have Ridge branded cookies. Your new backpack is cool. They sent me a backpack. I got the new backpack also. Yeah, and it matches his water bottle.
There's no promo code. There's a pocket. Yeah, there's a pocket. It's just a good company.
It perfectly fits my Kindle. Oh, it's got a Kindle and a laptop. So if I'm out and I'm doing my survivalist stuff, I can check in on the Canterbury Tales.
Showing 161–180 of 634 · page 9 of 32
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