Ophira Eisenberg

And it wasn't unlike how I already felt in my class.

I felt different.

And I was like, oh my God, I am an alien.

Like I literally was like, I am an alien.

And Brad Moore did not ask me to dance.

He danced with all the other girls.

He danced with the lame angel and the dumb witch and the,

kitty cat and not me, and I was just stewing in my feathers and jumpsuit.

The last dance of the night, I don't know if at your school dance if this is what happened to you, but the last dance was always Stairway to Heaven.

Yes?

Okay.

Because it's like 17 minutes long or whatever.

And it was, you know what, this is so old-fashioned, it was totally not a thing where a girl would ask a guy to dance.

Seventh grade, so innocent.

And Stairway to Heaven started, and I was just, you know what, enough!

And I marched over to Brad Moore, who is dressed as a punk rocker.

Which just means he took a jean jacket and cut off the sleeves, and it had a whole bunch of safety pins, because, you know, one safety pin is safe, but many are dangerous.

And he had spiked his hair and it was sprayed green with that like classic spirit of Halloween hairspray that you would only be available at the Kmart right in October.

And I just marched over to him and I said, I think we should dance.

And he said, I didn't know you wanted to dance with me.