Richard Kind

And this is what he does that night.

Alone in his apartment, Marta is working her second job, though he doesn't want to think about that.

He scarfs down his dinner, retreats into the second bedroom and boots up his deteriorating laptop.

Toby's dark, freaky secret that he will confess to nobody, not Mabel, not God, certainly not Marta, is his obsession with 21-year-old Hermione Harrow, future internet sensation.

With a can of ginger ale by his side, he heads straight to her live stream.

Besides her wizarding robe and her wand that she keeps by her side, she dons a bright purple wig, and her makeup is lovely, her glasses large.

There are six other viewers.

Hermione leans forward in her chair and waves.

"'Bacon Boy!'

she exclaims.

"'Welcome!

I missed you!

How was your day?'

She lifts her wand and casts a magic spell on Toby.

The stress from his day is alleviating already.

Is he ashamed?

Well, of course he is.

Will he do the right thing and stop visiting her streams?

Well, let's not go crazy.

Plus, he recently subscribed to her channel for another 24 months.