Rob Dial

And then when you don't hit those standards, you beat yourself up over and over and over again. Maybe you say you want to protect your children from the chaos that you knew. But sometimes you forget that chaos isn't always harmful. Sometimes it's needed to grow. Or maybe you try to control every single part of your child's life.

And as they grow older, you start to notice how they start resenting you for it. How does it show up in your own relationship with yourself and your self-talk? Well, everything is either your fault or your responsibility. And you beat yourself up over a lot of things. You struggle to rest without feeling guilty about it. And even your internal voice sometimes sounds like a disappointed parent.

And as they grow older, you start to notice how they start resenting you for it. How does it show up in your own relationship with yourself and your self-talk? Well, everything is either your fault or your responsibility. And you beat yourself up over a lot of things. You struggle to rest without feeling guilty about it. And even your internal voice sometimes sounds like a disappointed parent.

And as they grow older, you start to notice how they start resenting you for it. How does it show up in your own relationship with yourself and your self-talk? Well, everything is either your fault or your responsibility. And you beat yourself up over a lot of things. You struggle to rest without feeling guilty about it. And even your internal voice sometimes sounds like a disappointed parent.

Why didn't you do more? You should have seen that coming. You can't let anybody down. Any of this sound familiar? It's exhausting. And more importantly, it's not really your fault. It was what you had to do to feel safe as a child. But now that you're an adult, you're allowed to rewrite it. And that's what's really important. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.

Why didn't you do more? You should have seen that coming. You can't let anybody down. Any of this sound familiar? It's exhausting. And more importantly, it's not really your fault. It was what you had to do to feel safe as a child. But now that you're an adult, you're allowed to rewrite it. And that's what's really important. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.

Why didn't you do more? You should have seen that coming. You can't let anybody down. Any of this sound familiar? It's exhausting. And more importantly, it's not really your fault. It was what you had to do to feel safe as a child. But now that you're an adult, you're allowed to rewrite it. And that's what's really important. And we will be right back. And now back to the show.

Why is your brain wired this way? Well, here's where neuroscience really comes in. Your developing brain in childhood is built around adapting to the environment for survival. When unpredictability was the norm, your brain learned, if I can anticipate or control everything, then I'll be safe. And so it creates this feedback loops of being over-controlling.

Why is your brain wired this way? Well, here's where neuroscience really comes in. Your developing brain in childhood is built around adapting to the environment for survival. When unpredictability was the norm, your brain learned, if I can anticipate or control everything, then I'll be safe. And so it creates this feedback loops of being over-controlling.

Why is your brain wired this way? Well, here's where neuroscience really comes in. Your developing brain in childhood is built around adapting to the environment for survival. When unpredictability was the norm, your brain learned, if I can anticipate or control everything, then I'll be safe. And so it creates this feedback loops of being over-controlling.

And because you're over-controlling, you get a brief sense of safety. Ah, you feel like you're controlling everything. Everything's okay for right now. Then the world feels unpredictable again. And then you feel the need for more control. And it's these feedback loops of more control and more control. And over time, you become more controlling. It's not just a mindset that's behind all this.

And because you're over-controlling, you get a brief sense of safety. Ah, you feel like you're controlling everything. Everything's okay for right now. Then the world feels unpredictable again. And then you feel the need for more control. And it's these feedback loops of more control and more control. And over time, you become more controlling. It's not just a mindset that's behind all this.

And because you're over-controlling, you get a brief sense of safety. Ah, you feel like you're controlling everything. Everything's okay for right now. Then the world feels unpredictable again. And then you feel the need for more control. And it's these feedback loops of more control and more control. And over time, you become more controlling. It's not just a mindset that's behind all this.

It's biology behind it. You know, and your amygdala, which is the fear center of your brain, becomes hyperactive early in life because of all of the chaos. Your prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision making, for logic, for emotional regulation, struggles to develop in environments that are full of stress. And over time, your body becomes the control system, not your conscious mind.

It's biology behind it. You know, and your amygdala, which is the fear center of your brain, becomes hyperactive early in life because of all of the chaos. Your prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision making, for logic, for emotional regulation, struggles to develop in environments that are full of stress. And over time, your body becomes the control system, not your conscious mind.

It's biology behind it. You know, and your amygdala, which is the fear center of your brain, becomes hyperactive early in life because of all of the chaos. Your prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision making, for logic, for emotional regulation, struggles to develop in environments that are full of stress. And over time, your body becomes the control system, not your conscious mind.

And so it's not about being a control freak. If you'd be like, oh, I'm a control freak. That's just the way of them. Or someone says that you're a control freak. It's about your nervous system doing its best with really, really outdated software. You might be 40 years old and this is something that you developed when you were seven.

And so it's not about being a control freak. If you'd be like, oh, I'm a control freak. That's just the way of them. Or someone says that you're a control freak. It's about your nervous system doing its best with really, really outdated software. You might be 40 years old and this is something that you developed when you were seven.

And so it's not about being a control freak. If you'd be like, oh, I'm a control freak. That's just the way of them. Or someone says that you're a control freak. It's about your nervous system doing its best with really, really outdated software. You might be 40 years old and this is something that you developed when you were seven.

And so the thing that's really important behind this that I really wanna talk about is we're talking about being a child here. And we're talking about the fact that you develop this system, I guess you could say, of control in your childhood because you did not feel safe in some way. And so you had to develop this control issue so that you could feel safe. Here's the hardest part of all of it.