Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)

Like I said, Jordan, I'm a selfish lover. Which brings us to Ronnie's slam dunk bet of the night. Who will be a greater disappointment to their father, Ronnie James or Jordan Klepper? As always, brought to you by gambling. Gambling. It's like taking candy from a baby, but the candy is money.

Like I said, Jordan, I'm a selfish lover. Which brings us to Ronnie's slam dunk bet of the night. Who will be a greater disappointment to their father, Ronnie James or Jordan Klepper? As always, brought to you by gambling. Gambling. It's like taking candy from a baby, but the candy is money.

This was absolutely worth it, okay, Jordan? He got to eat tons of hot dogs, and now he has no appetite. It's like free Ozempic, okay? Kobayashi's a legend, not to mention he's Asian. Shout-out Asians. That's right. I've only gotten to use that, like, four times in my life. And shame on you, Jordan, for not supporting the work of one of our greatest Asian athletes.

This was absolutely worth it, okay, Jordan? He got to eat tons of hot dogs, and now he has no appetite. It's like free Ozempic, okay? Kobayashi's a legend, not to mention he's Asian. Shout-out Asians. That's right. I've only gotten to use that, like, four times in my life. And shame on you, Jordan, for not supporting the work of one of our greatest Asian athletes.

America should be embarrassed that you only beat France by 11 points. You basically lost. That score should have been 270 to 12. These players shouldn't even be allowed back in the country. Hey, LeBron James, you stay in France and you think about what you just did.

America should be embarrassed that you only beat France by 11 points. You basically lost. That score should have been 270 to 12. These players shouldn't even be allowed back in the country. Hey, LeBron James, you stay in France and you think about what you just did.

Costa, you're the Tyrese Halliburton of this team, okay? Only 1% of our audience even knows who you are.

Costa, you're the Tyrese Halliburton of this team, okay? Only 1% of our audience even knows who you are.

What an incredible accomplishment for Noah Lyles and an incredible embarrassment for the people who trained every day for four years and lost to a guy with fluid in his lungs. Yo, why don't you just keep running off the track and right into traffic?

What an incredible accomplishment for Noah Lyles and an incredible embarrassment for the people who trained every day for four years and lost to a guy with fluid in his lungs. Yo, why don't you just keep running off the track and right into traffic?

Which brings us to Ronnie's Bigger Balls bet of the evening. Which disease will Michael Kosta get next? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. It will fix everything. Let's move on to the athlete from down under that everyone is talking about and sure to be this year's most popular Halloween costume.

Which brings us to Ronnie's Bigger Balls bet of the evening. Which disease will Michael Kosta get next? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. It will fix everything. Let's move on to the athlete from down under that everyone is talking about and sure to be this year's most popular Halloween costume.

I hope that Turkish guy shoots you in your stupid face, right? This was a terrible moment for the Olympics, for Australia, for descendants of criminals, for dancers, for kangaroos, for white people that want to be black. It just shows you the pathetic level of talent in Australia.

I hope that Turkish guy shoots you in your stupid face, right? This was a terrible moment for the Olympics, for Australia, for descendants of criminals, for dancers, for kangaroos, for white people that want to be black. It just shows you the pathetic level of talent in Australia.

Costa, you're a bigger dick than that French pole vaudeville's actual dick, right? If you factor in population size, the U.S. actually finished 59th in medals per capita. And by that metric, you know who performed almost 50 times better than the U.S.? Grenada.

Costa, you're a bigger dick than that French pole vaudeville's actual dick, right? If you factor in population size, the U.S. actually finished 59th in medals per capita. And by that metric, you know who performed almost 50 times better than the U.S.? Grenada.

So if I say we need stronger helmets in football to prevent concussions... I say that.

So if I say we need stronger helmets in football to prevent concussions... I say that.

Well, lucky for us, yours is empty. It's October, one month where practically every league is going at it like some kind of sports gangbang.

Well, lucky for us, yours is empty. It's October, one month where practically every league is going at it like some kind of sports gangbang.