Russell Peters
Appearances
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Your dad had that, British? British with an Indian twang too, but not heavy, it was pretty good. So we're walking, me and Prince Charles, and I got my hands in front of me, and he's got his bloated hands in front of him. Have you seen his hands? Yes. They're fucking disgusting. In person, it's even worse. Yeah. They look like blood sausages. They do. That's just gout, right?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah. So we're walking, and Camilla's walking behind us. And I go, oh, sir, do you want your wife to walk with us? He goes, oh, no. No. Like, he's a real guy. Yeah, he's a real guy. He's like, I've had enough of that. That was the nicest way of saying, fuck that bitch.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Do you know the ironic part is I don't really listen to it.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Oh, yeah. It kind of makes me want a sausage. Yeah, Jesus. Like a nice little breakfast sausage right now. Imagine if he pricks his finger, he'll flood the place. Oh, my God. He just deflates.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah. I generally listen to just probably classic rock most of the time. Really? Yeah. I love hip hop as a culture. As a culture. As a culture. Because it's part of your foundation. It made me who I am. Yeah. It made me dress a certain way, walk a certain way, talk a certain way. Dance. I've seen you dance. Dance a certain way. And I've seen you DJ. DJ a certain way.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Have you done this update for fuck's sake? I can't find shit on it anymore. No.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, it's all clickbait.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Like, so do we.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
No.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He's holding water, I think. Oh, that's lame. I mean, I'm saying water, because, you know. Yeah, you look sharp, buddy. I don't want to get killed by the Royal Family, son. Where is this? In England. But, I mean, is this at a royal place? No, it was at a function in London. They wanted me to perform some South Asian cabinet thing, I don't know. And Katy Perry was there. I was there.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Prince Charles was there. Wow, that's wild. And I bombed. You did? Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
i'm pretty sure i bombed anytime anytime there's music i always feel like this is well she didn't perform she was just there but like they were just so stuffy in that room yeah and i said to prince charles hey man i'm a big fan of your family even got your mom on my money um because i was canadian money yeah anyway listen guys you wonder why i bombed did you hear the fucking jokes i said uh are you going to middle east anytime soon
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I think so. Well, if it's still there, yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Can you fix it? I think we know who needs to fix it. I'm not going to get into that fucking bag of monkeys there. Well, who's causing it? Okay. Depending on what side of the fence you're on, you're going to think somebody started it.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
What do I know? I'm just asking the guy questions.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
416?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That's the one. Keeping it real. FaceTiming him? Should I FaceTime him? No, whatever you want.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Do you still get on the turntable? I absolutely do. You do. I thought you were going to have a set set up. We're going to get busy.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I told him to ask you where I was to make you believe I wasn't here yet. Yeah, he's here. He was on time and everything.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I was shocked. You know, it's funny. We pull in at 11.59. I go, fuck, I'm dead ass on time.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He gave it a very, like, very... Yeah, my brother gets very businessy. You know how he gets. Very businessy. We're the complete opposites of each other. Yeah, it's a good pairing. You need that. You don't want two people. You don't want fucking me and another me. We're not getting anything done, buddy.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We're barely getting through this podcast with me being me. Now I know why Bert's here, so he can laugh any time to fill time. You mean to talk? All he does is talk. What happened to him? He sick?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
no shit yeah and how did it get resolved just i rested it my lower back was from sitting on planes those fucking seats are uncomfortable as hell you gotta get a bed on a plane yeah and every time i get out of bed i'd have to grab the cane i'd look at it say sup cane and then i'd go to the bathroom
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Really? I love Lebanon. I love Beirut. It's amazing. Really? But the shows were always like, it's all Lebanese. There's no... There's nobody else there. So if you're not talking about them, they're like. But then as soon as you make it about. Mention them, bam. Even if I did an Indian joke, they wouldn't get it because I'm like, I don't understand.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
This is a long time ago, but I had a great time there, though. Really? Ever been there? Never. It sucks what they're doing to it right now, but that place is amazing.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, but India is one of those places where they're really smart. Like India was the one country in the world, and I'm not saying this because I'm Indian, but it was the one country internationally where. I'd go on stage and I could talk at exactly the same pace and say the exact same slang words that we use right now. Yeah. And they're right on it. Really? Yeah, they're right on it.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
They're sharp as fuck.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That's why they're going to be a superpower in the next three years. Yeah, man. We just got to get used to it. It's tough. I know if you're watching, you're like, fuck. We already infiltrated Christina's family.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I remember how apprehensive you were when I first met you.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah. You were so like, I was like, hey, how you doing? I'm Russell. He goes, Hey, I'm Tom. And you were really, like, shy almost. Really? But then after a show or two, and I said, man, you were fucking funny. He was like, oh, thanks. He was like, I think you weren't sure about me. And I probably was. You were a little hesitant back then. I was probably... You were so young then.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Oh, yeah. Shit. You would have been much younger then. Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And you didn't know me. You didn't know me from Adam. This fucking guy's in here, sold out. I never heard of him. Who is this guy? So I'm sure you were like, what the fuck is going on here?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
This is just like... I think I was just doing things. I hadn't started doing arenas yet. I was about to start doing arenas that year, I think. Yeah. In 2007, I started doing arenas. That's pretty crazy. It's pretty wild, right? Yeah, that's pretty wild. I'm doing Scotiabank Arena on December 14th in Toronto.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That's going to be my ninth time doing it. I just did it last weekend. Yeah. That was my first time.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Jeff Tate? Wait, I haven't seen Jeff Tate in forever.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, they're good. My city can be really good to people. Those glasses are really nice. Keep staring at them. What are they?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I can't read.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah. I'm over here.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I was playing like mom's going to see this thing.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I don't know. I need my glasses to see your glasses.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah? Yeah, dude, they're both. The older one's probably more chill than the younger one, though, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like me and my brother. He's the older one.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I met him when he was an infant.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
We were in the neighborhood for a walk. You got him on a leash. It was nice.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, they always say he's in a different lane.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
My kid's five, my son, and he's, I don't know where he gets his shit from. The other day he goes, hey, he's obsessed with planes. So I picked him up. He's like, Hey, Daddy, I want to go to Dubai. I go, what? Where'd you get that from? He goes, how do you even know about Dubai? I want to see the Burj Khalifa. I'm like, what the fuck? Really?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And then I drop him off to his mom, and his mom goes to me, you know, he asked me if he wanted to go see the Burj Khalifa. I go, wait, he said that to me? I go, I'm sure she's coaching him.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And tell me you want to go on Emirates first class.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I think Eminem's dope. I mean, does he make some flop albums? Sure, but who doesn't? It's not like everybody's banging out.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You got to do Singapore Airlines. Singapore. Singapore Airlines A380 first class suites. Fuck, it was the best. Best. Listen, I'm an Emirates guy, but that Singapore Airlines one kind of, as far as I was concerned, kind of beat Emirates on that one. It's the best of the best, right? It's so good.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
you know bangers every month no he you know he takes his time he sits and he waits till he gets some ideas and he comes back he doesn't need to do it that's why he does it just for like he does it just because he remind you but i'm i can still do this yeah and i'm super creative and yeah he's a recluse though like he doesn't not leave his house He's just in Detroit. He's somewhere in Michigan.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And if you get, say you and Christina get the rooms side by side, the wall comes down and it becomes one big bed. And you got this giant room, like about the size of this. And then you can just bang in the sky? You can bang in the sky if you're still doing that to each other. And look at that. See, that's when they got the double set up there. And I like that he's fully clothed.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
They're like, this is how we enjoy our flight. I don't know why. He should have been wearing the pajamas. They give you pajamas on board. Pajamas are nice. Pajamas are nice. It's a real experience. Oh, yeah. I take my underwear. I free ball that whole flight, too. Why let my balls get sweaty in my own underwear? No, just let them out. Yeah. Let them out, dude.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
um and that chair you see that recliner chair yeah um it has a button on it that turns it automatically but wherever you turn it and you turn the tv on the tv will follow you it'll turn with you tv keeps moving with you unbelievable yeah it's pretty wild they really know how to do it yeah that's good and the food's good and the service is good and the flight attendants all have open toe shoes on and pretty toes nice so for me it's masturbation in the air wow
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I said too much, guys. Hey, I just got a text saying I'm banned from Singapore Airlines. It's cool that they thought of that.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
The old flight attendants are funny because you can tell they're seasoned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want a drink? That's how they do it. You thirsty? And they're real casual with everything. Eh, taking off now.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
So what happened first was, remember when people would email you a clip?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It would just be audio even? Yeah. they would, it had chopped up and they would email people like, yo, listen to this. And that's 2004. They were doing that before YouTube started. Wow. And so they'd email you a three minute clip, take you fucking 24 hours to download the thing. Sure. And then you'd hear it and people like, I want more.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And then when YouTube started in June or May of 19 of 2005, somebody dumped the whole special on there. So now people had a video to go with the audio and it was all in one place. They didn't have to listen to it in sections. And then that YouTube explosion, though, made things really change for you. Well, the file sharing is what started it.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Because February of 2004, I did DePaul University for $700. And only 13 people showed up. Nice. And I was like, oof. And I felt bad because at that time, I was like, $700, that's a lot of money for a show. You know what I mean? Sure. And I felt bad. I was like, should I give them their money back? I mean, nobody showed up. But I gave them the full show.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Somewhere in Michigan. Every time I play like Windsor, you played Windsor, I call Royce and I'm like, Royce, why don't you come to the show? He's like, I'll come. Why don't you call Marshall? He just sends me laughing emojis. And I go, what? He goes, Marshall ain't coming there. Marshall's not crossing the border to come see you dumbass. Staying at his house. Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And I went back to Chicago like November of that same year. And I did like a theater for three nights. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? I still didn't know what was going on. I still had no clue what was happening. I'm just like, people suddenly like me. This is great. No clue. No clue. Completely clueless. I still don't even know how to upload shit to YouTube. Do you? No.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
i've done it before but i haven't done it in years now yeah yeah somebody uh yeah but i mean promo shit's real guy i don't i do my shit on my phone just like hey that's them they know how to do that they know you got a team now i don't have a team yeah joe rogan's got a seal team and he's got a seal team he's got a seal team you got a i know you got a team i got you got the a team a team for sure these guys are good but you have well you have your brother yeah that's a
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He's very, very, very professional. By the way, when he called me yesterday to tell me what I'm doing today, he's like, okay, so you're going to go to Segura, and then you're going to do a bunch of other ones there. And remember, the focus of this is to promote the Relax Tour. It starts in Canada at the end of the month. Make sure you – I'm not a fucking idiot, all right?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, I knew you were going to say that. Oh, my God.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
okay so okay well can we pull up the relax tour can we pull up the relax tour guys did my brother send you any artwork for that let's see russell peters yeah there we go right there we go hey it's not that serious that makes sense yeah right there you go uh there you go all right so you guys got that so here we are promoting the relax tour so what's your name of your new tour Come together. Okay.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And that one, the last one was coming all over? I'm coming everywhere. That's right. Oh, you're hitting the road, bro. Oh, yeah. These are just like the... Get it ready. The get it ready dates. And then there's the big ones there. Yeah, I see that.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I did it too.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Halifax. Oh, yeah. You don't know about Halifax? I mean, I didn't before I went. That's where the Underground Railroad ended.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
no yeah harry tubman took him all the way to nova scotia to halifax really so if you go to a place called north preston in in nova scotia yeah it's like the black area do you know that they're doing a documentary about her called getting my steps in no no they're not i was gonna say i was gonna say that'd be amazing and tyler perry's directing it Harriet Tubman played by Tyler Perry.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Food's good. People were great. Did you buy lobsters at the airport? I did not buy lobsters. You know you can buy live lobsters at the airport? At the airport? And they pack them and make a shipping ready for you. They carry it on the plane.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
How is that disrespectful?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Oh, yeah. Well, now what's frustrating when I went last year to Quebec when I was in Montreal –
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
they used to have so in Canada everything has to be in English and French right but in Quebec it used to be French and English underneath yeah well now they've X'd the English so everything's in French and I'm like I go to a cafe I go what is that what because I knew what it said but I wanted you to no I'm still in Canada tell me what the fuck that says yeah it said pain du chocolat and I'm like what is that
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I go, no, what the fuck is that? I'm getting so mad. I go, English. Why is this not in fucking English? Now tell him, he's Canadian. You give him the fucking business. Give me the business because you guys fucked it up because we respectfully put your shit on ours and then you disrespectfully took our shit off yours and now I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It was my experience. It's funny how people get mad. If you say what you saw, I know it's like, this is, I'm telling the story from my, from my honest experience.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I've gone back many times. As a Canadian, it's frustrating just to watch them slowly push us out, but we have to slowly big them up. I'm like, hold on. This is supposed to be a fair exchange here. We're shaking hands.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
To separating? To seceding, right? Not really, not really close. Kind of close? No, no. They still want the, that would be such a fucking crazy thing. If they split? I mean, you know what, I feel like Texas could do that in the United States if they wanted to. Texas probably has come the closest, yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Because Texas is the only place, when I come here, it's the only place that still feels like America. Really? You know what I mean? It doesn't matter where you are in Texas. Yeah. It's just, it feels like, that's how I picture America to be. Mm-hmm. And that picture is dissipating around the country. What is L.A. like now? Because I feel like it changed from when I lived there.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's definitely changed since you lived there. I don't go out much. I don't wear jewelry when I go out. I don't go to fancy restaurants. Really? They got people watching you in restaurants now. There's a lot of follow-home robberies. Yeah. And if you're going to follow me home, you're going to have a long fucking drive, pal.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Out to Malibu? Yeah, because not only that, I always take different ways. I don't go the same way every time. Yeah. Because that's my ADD. I'm just like, no, I want to go this way today. I want to go that way today. I think I want to go around the whole city before I go home, you know?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
but it's still nice out there i bet the weather is there's been a lot of earthquakes especially in malibu yeah when i left right when did i leave i left yesterday are you a beach guy though no not at all i don't know i look at it and that's it there it is yeah and the water's cold it is do you like cold water no i like cold water you do yeah after the accident do you do the cold plunge yeah often
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Oh, you have one at home?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Well, you won't see it after that.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, Hispanic side never came in on that.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I want to do it. I think it would help my back.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Well, yeah, it definitely gets rid of inflammation. I mean, yeah. If you're inflamed, you won't be. You do ride this high. How long do you sit in there? Three minutes.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You like people. I like people, but I don't leave my house very often when I'm home. Just because I'm like, I'm never home. So when you're home, you're like, I might as well just stay here. I paid for this.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I think you'll like it. I won't be doing it, but it's great to hear about it. I do want to try DMT is what I do want to try.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I did mushroom, chocolate mushrooms around Christmas time.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And, you know, it's the little bar that says take three pieces for microdose. Yeah. So I took the three pieces. That was too much for me. Three, yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And I was like, how much can be in there, right? It was like a little piece for a rocher. And I was the only one on it, and we went to a restaurant. Oh, fuck. And there was like 10 people with me, my kids, everything. Yeah. And it kicked in right as we got in the restaurant. So I can hear everybody's conversations around me. And then everyone's like, I'm like, I start panicking.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And then people are like, hey, what's good here? Just order your fucking food. Don't talk to me right now. Nobody fucking talk to me. Just order your food. I'll pay for it. And everyone's like, what's his problem? Yeah, they thought I was having a meltdown.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's a decent one. I moved back to the Malibu house that you came to.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Maybe the chlamydia pill of oxys.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Like, how do I crush this thing up?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Can I get a knife? Can I cut this pill?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, I did mushrooms for the first time about two years ago in, you all right there? Yeah. You want one? No, good, thanks. What is that? Are you doing? Nicotine. Oh, wow. Yeah, they're awesome. I've never done it.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, that's why I introduced you to Big Daddy Kane the first time.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I smoke cigars. I'm good with that. Oh, yeah, you do do your cigars. I am a cigar guy. No, so I did it with a shaman in Amsterdam two years ago for the first time. And? It was cool. I did it laying down with a mask on, like an eye mask. So it was a cool trip because you're just laying down and it feels like you're floating everywhere.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And you think you're dreaming at first, but then you realize you're tripping. And then once you realize you're tripping, you start to enjoy it more. It's like, okay.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
No, you're just kind of dopey around the scenes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it was wild. I saw myself dead. I was dead in New York, my head on the sidewalk, my body on the street, and everybody's around me crying, and I could see myself, and I'm floating away from it. And I'm laughing at them. I'm like, I'm not there anymore, guys. I don't know what you're wasting your time for.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And then the only person I recognized was Crazy Legs from Rock Steady Crew. Crazy Legs. Crazy Legs was running to get help. And I go, Legs, don't bother. And I just kept floating away. I go, OK, bye. I just left. I didn't even stop to say I just kept floating away. I just floated right away.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
you have so many hip-hop friends i'm an official rocksteady crew member are you really i am yes you like a jacket i do have a sweatshirt that says rocksteady crew and brown comic on the back wow legs gave me that for when he when he made me a member that's pretty rad dude yeah it's pretty cool
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, he was at my house two nights ago. I think he's so fucking funny. Next time you come to LA, you've got to come over because we have these random nights where people come over and smoke cigars on the balcony and hang out. Just shoot the shit. So it was me, Cedric, David Justice, and Bentley Evans the other night. You know Bentley? He created Martin and the Jimmy Foxx show.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
So it was just the four of us talking shit.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You had the hair and the big head.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
on my birthday Sunday was my birthday Melly Mel dropped by and hung out till like 4 in the morning it was your birthday? yeah yeah happy birthday man yeah you know 4 years ago you sent me a pair of shoes from Brunello Cuccinelli and this year not even a fucking text wow how old are you?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
54 wow I think I texted you on your birthday earlier Shannon I never got a response let me just double check that for you let's check the tape on this one guys um Seg Ura let's see let's see uh Yeah, I text you on April 18th. Happy birthday. No reply. Then May 11th, I sent you that photo. Wait, what number are you texting, though? I'm texting the right one. You are?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, because I texted the right one. And then I sent you that photo of you, me, Rogan, Burr, and Ian Edwards, and you said, damn. Wait, are you 323? Yeah, yeah. And then June 8th, I text you, and you replied the next day. That was nice of you. And then on August 14th, you asked me what the best hotel to stay in Toronto. Did you stay at the one I suggested? I did. It's nice, right? Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Oh, hey, Tom just sent me a happy birthday. That's so nice of him. You guys see Tom Segura. Tom, thanks for the message. But the Cuccinelli's are much better. Fuck. I got to get that address again. I'll send it to you.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Casino moms. Your mom is, I know you talk about her mental state, but your mom's still physically in good shape. She can get around. She can get around. Her mental's still there. She's still manipulative. Like I saw the way, I saw your, like she's hilarious. She's very funny. And I love your relationship with her. She's very funny.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
My mom's still sharp in the head, but my mom, I just found a video of my dad's 70th birthday party and it was 1995.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I'm sure the people watching this are going, who? Or why the fuck him? No. You're beloved, man. You are beloved. By comics. Yeah, but I mean, I think. But real people, no.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
wow and i was 25 in the video and my mom was my age my mom was 54 in this video wow and i was like holy shit that's but my mom at 54 looks exactly the same as she does at 83 yeah like they just my mom just packed it in as soon as she had the kids all right that's it done no need to look like anybody anymore Yeah, yeah, that's what women do.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
But your mom stayed, you know, she's got a Hispanic mother. She's going to, you know, they take a lot of pride in that stuff. I don't know. I don't think she puts a lot of effort into it, to be honest. She looks good. I sound creepy, but yeah, she looks good. Okay. Hey, guys.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, please. I'll send you some good ones. How's her feet? Good feet? Not now. I mean, as they get older, they get more great. I'm getting fucking weird on this thing, guys. It's okay. People are going, can you bring back Bert? That creepy brown guy was terrible. Believe me, they're not saying that.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Filipino. Nice feet? Very nice feet. Really? Yeah. That's actually why I noticed her. You saw her feet first? Yeah. Where were you? At Nordstrom. Was she trying on shoes? She was. I was walking by and I was like, damn, look at the girl's feet. And then she caught me looking and I didn't know what to do. So I went, I just winked at her and then I walked away. And then?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And then her sales guy is my sales guy. He goes, you know who that is, right? She goes, no. He goes, that's that comedian Russell Peters. He goes, I don't know. I don't watch comedy. I'm like, what? Really? And now that I'm married to him, I'm like, ah, yeah, you don't watch comedy. You miserable bitch. Just kidding, babe. Don't get mad. But keep that in. Oh, there's Charo. Which one?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Leaning forward. With the blonde? Or on the ground? The one leaning forward on the right. Oh, leaning forward. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's Charo. Trying to see who... Do you look like her? Are you an only child? No, I have two sisters.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, they're all Peruvian women there? Yeah, they're all smoking. Yeah. Like, the one that admires your mom looks like a white girl. And then it looks like Karen Carpenter on the ground. Uh-huh. And the lady smoking looks like she's about to rip one right after.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yep. That's what happens to them. Yeah, they just die.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You just die. Speaking of which, how is Christina?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And what is this TV show you're doing now?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, I know. I saw you had to cancel dates.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, you can't do it.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
fuck i'm chilling at your boy russ house like i still remember the message and then you were like yeah you should come over and i just was like i have i have to go do this yeah well you know how it happened uh kane was staying with me and he said uh hey russ you know this guy tom segura but the way he said i was like oh shit what did he do i go uh yeah of course i know tommy he goes
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
There's no rule to it. This is what we plan on doing. Yeah, exactly.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You're number one on the schedule, too.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You're number one on the schedule, and then if you're going to direct, you're going to be number one and directing. You're going to be beat. Yeah, it's going to be long, long days. I mean, I'm saying it in a good way, but it's just... People that don't know, they're like, this shit is exhausting. Yeah, it wears you out, for sure.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You haven't done much acting though, right?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You're going to like it. I think so. When it's yours, it's different. Big time, yeah. Because you really understand it. You're like, I know exactly what I'm doing. Because you've had your shows. I've done some stuff. Nothing crazy. Do you like it? It's okay. I mean... It's a lot of work, and the payoff's just not there anymore.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And I mean, I look at it as, well, I could stand here and work for a month and a half for 14 hours a day, six days a week, or I could go do a weekend and make way more money than I did in this month and a half of...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, like if my friends are doing something, they're like, you want to do it? Oh, yeah. But if they're like, hey, they want you to audition. I'm like, eh, I'm good. Yeah. Someone so-and-so wants to know if you want to. Is it an open audition or are they asking for me? Well, they're open to you. I'm not doing it. I've been fucking doing this shit 35 years now. I don't want to.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I'm sick of jumping through hoops. Fuck it. You know what I do? You know who I am. You want me or you don't want me. I don't give a shit. 35 years? 35 years. Since 89. That is... I first did Just for Laughs in 96. Wow. That was a good year. That was when Just for Laughs would still... That's when Chicken got a deal.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
He's a funny dude. I go, oh, okay. He did a joke about me. I liked it. I said, oh, well, let's call him. That's amazing. That's exactly how that happened. Yeah. I still stay in touch with him.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah. Tell people the Chicken story real quick. Chicken was this guy. He was a comic called himself Chicken. Did he dress him in a chicken suit, I think? I think he either did that or didn't he have a prop chicken with him? Something like that. He got a million-dollar deal. It was the last million-dollar deal they gave at Just for Laughs. And then he killed himself a few years later, right? Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
It's a good story to end on. I mean, you know. Did he hang himself? Because that would be even funnier if he choked his chicken. Yeah. I believe he did. I think he did. That'd be amazing. Just fucking. He's just going for the punchline right to the end, you know? Oh, fuck. I love commitment. You have to commit. You got to commit to that one. You got to commit.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I don't want him to think. I don't want him to. I don't want to prove to him that I'm an idiot. Stay relaxed. Just relax. It's just relax. Relax. It's not that serious.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
or as the I feel like there's some places in the mall called just relax yeah those fake men they have the really shitty artwork on their board yeah just relax just relax like they googled how do I get a logo yeah and then they're like here I generated a logo for you I generated a logo for you well Russell's touring well those are see it's funny because I'm doing the arenas and the club dates in between the arenas too it's kind of a yeah a mishmash of things I think that's the best way to actually do stand up
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I agree because if you get stuck in the arena headspace and you go into a club, it throws you off. It does.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Next year is pretty hectic.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
hectic once we get into let's see keep going february once we get into march february march it's gonna be nutty oh they haven't announced it yet oh no they do there we go good okay not yeah okay no after that yeah oh yeah they haven't they haven't put it out there but all right we go international after the peacock theater and in uh in february well go see it's like australia new zealand all that stuff asia
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
The hot spots. The good spots.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Thanks for taking me along all those years. Come on, kid. It was great. I knew it when I saw you. I said, this kid's going to be something if he shaves his head. This kid's got to shave his head. All right.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
No, I've only done Wembley. Oh, only. Oh, yeah. I do. I just did. I think I'm doing Wembley again next year.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Wembley's fun. But you do the O2 now, just as a revisit. Next year, it'll be your 15th anniversary of doing it.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Some, I think it's 50-50. I think it's split pretty decently.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, I was like, fuck this place. I mean, it's Erie, Pennsylvania. What the fuck else do they got going on? You know who's from Erie, Pennsylvania? I know weird facts apparently about Erie. There's a newscaster...
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, it's half hate, half love.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
named maria sansone that used to be on fox 11 and now she's somewhere in boston uh-huh she's from erie pennsylvania but i knew that because there's a porn star named rebecca bardot that's from erie pennsylvania too oh really yeah have you met these two women well i i banged roberta uh what's her name uh rebecca here before really yeah how was she crazy can you look it up she's an older one so you know i have a little i don't like young girls i can't see her on our bigger screen okay
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I like them old like that. You like them old? Older, yeah. That's why your mom's on the table for me. I'm just kidding. Holy shit. That's so crazy. I'll show her one bear.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
How'd you meet the... Did you meet her online? How'd you meet her? No, I don't know how I met her. Probably from Yoshi. Oh, my God. You know, if you're going to meet a porn star, it's going to be from Yoshi. He's the perfect conduit. Oh, yeah. Has he introduced you to a bunch? He's a come-do-it. Yeah, he's a come-do-it. Oh, he's introduced me to a bunch.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I remember one night I had, this was like maybe 17 years ago, I had, for some reason, Yoshi had brought Joey Silvera to come see me perform. Yeah. And Joey and I were buddies already, so that was cool. But then Rocco Soffretti showed up.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
And this other guy, I forgot his name, he used to do these smothering videos for Evil Angel where girls would just sit on your face until you couldn't breathe. And you'd see the guy, legs kicking, so she has to get off his face. But anyway. That's nice. Yeah. Family. Family viewing. And so we ended up, me, Rocco Soffredi, Joey Silvera, and this other guy. the porn guy, at In-N-Out.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I'm like, I look at him, I go, you know, guys, this is the most ironic thing ever. Three porn stars and me at In-N-Out of all fucking places. I know.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Oh, in England? No, no. Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about. Oh, yeah, that night.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Oh, that night you went. It was that night. Shit, you were on that.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I forgot I put you on that.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
That was. Russell Peters Presents or something? Mm-hmm. Was that 2007? No, that was nine.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Just let them have it. Let them have it. There's nowhere that stands out in my mind. Really? Yeah, there's places I... There's no one really that I haven't... There's been places I've not enjoyed as much as others, but I don't know. They're not coming to me.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Oh, yeah, I do it right back to people immediately if I hear it.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Really? It either happens or it don't happen.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, it's kind of like, you know, I'm not going to. Because if you're working on it, then what am I doing, a character? Yeah, yeah. I'm really just like, you know, I talk to you, and even if it's just an American accent, but if they have a wimpy voice, a deep voice, whatever, I tend to just repeat exactly what I just heard. And for the foreign ones, it's just like that, too. Same thing.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
So you just have a great ear. Oh, he does accents. I just do what I hear.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, yeah, no, you gotta, well, if you're also doing a voice, your body has to change. Okay. You can't just do an Indian voice, like, and be straight, like, hello, everybody, how's it, but your head, your whole body, hello, everybody, and then if it doesn't do this, if it doesn't flow, then what the fuck are you doing?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah. Yeah. So like, it's like when people like, Oh, I used to like Eminem before people knew who he was. You're like, okay, shut, calm down there.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, yeah. That's why you never have to worry about India working on AI robots, because you know how hard it is to make a robot do this? It'd need to be on a gimbal. Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
I've done all those. You've done the Middle East, I've never done. Yeah, the Middle East is great. No, I have. Well, I've done Abu Dhabi. Hey, you did it last year.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
You put your arms in front of you?
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
and she was beautiful. I was just like, what? And I couldn't, I was like, and she had like an all-female security team, and they all had automatic weapons underneath their burkas. But you could see the strap, and you could see the gun sticking out, and I was like, oh, shit. And they didn't look like girls that are like, oh, my God, how do I fire this? They look like, let's go, motherfucker.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Yeah, yeah. But she was really sweet and very kind. They're very sweet. They're very sweet. And they make you feel very comfortable. Every royal person I've ever met is all the same. Those know how to make you feel like, oh, they take your defense down because you're like, hey, don't worry about all the formal stuff. Let's just be people right now. Let's just be people, yeah.
2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Trippin' Balls On A Plane w/ Russell Peters | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Well, you have the best story ever about King of Jordan. That was cool. That was a cool story. He's my buddy. That's... And then Prince Charles, I met him. What was he like? Same thing? Yeah, he... I meet him at this function in London, and he's like, where's the Indian detective? And I go, oh, he goes, Russell Peters, he talks very like that. And sounds like my dad almost.