Scott Shigeoka
speaker
62 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard Jan 2025
Scott Shigeoka’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Curiosity inspires curiosity in others oftentimes. And so what I mean by that is when you are getting curious about someone else, oftentimes they will be inspired to give that curiosity back to you. And, you know, researchers sometimes call this like the give and take spiral.
Hi. Thanks so much. Great to be on.
So curiosity is the desire to know. And I think often people think about curiosity in an intellectual frame. I'm curious about the world around me. So I read books. I listen to podcasts like yours. I watch news programs or documentaries. And that's one aspect of curiosity.
But a lot of what I focus on in my work is how do we bring this curiosity, not just in the mind, but down into the heart as well.
Well, there's, you know, curiosity strengthens our relationships to others. And I think most of us, I'm sure you included that anyone listening on this conversation wants to strengthen their relationships with their partners or children, parents. When we have a stronger relationship, there's more care in the workplace. You know, obviously, we have better collaboration. We have...
A lot of benefits for our own physical health that come from stronger relationships, including longevity, living longer, reducing stress, increasing our ability to have fortitude around the things that we're struggling with in our lives, which is something that I think we all face.
I mean, I think any of us can think about our own personal relationships and remember a time when maybe someone wasn't being curious towards us, right? The opposite of curiosity is in curiosity. And maybe they're trying to tell us their their own viewpoint versus understanding our own.
Maybe you're trying to share a story, but they keep inserting their own story rather than asking questions or really listening to what we're saying. And oftentimes what happens is when someone is directing that in curiosity towards us and we don't feel seen, we don't feel heard, we don't feel acknowledged, we don't feel like they're taking the time to understand us.
Um, that, that really affects negatively the way that we feel about them. And research actually backs us that, um, in curiosity can drive negative emotions towards others, um, towards the people that we're in contact with.
And, and the opposite side, when we are curious, which means we're asking questions, we're listening, um, you know, we're acknowledging the person that's in front of us, really seeing them. You know, something I like to say is that people who are seen stay and, there's research to back that up as well.
In both cases, whether you're really close to someone, let's say a partner where research has been done around curiosity is within partnerships, those partners where they feel that their partners are curious towards them, listens to them, they feel seen in the relationship, it is more likely that they're going to be happier.
But even with those who we aren't as close with, strangers that we meet in a research setting, we found that there's an increase in the ways that we feel positively towards people who express curiosity towards us.
So when we haven't met a person ever before, but they start asking us questions and they seem to be genuinely interested in who we are, we feel more positively about them compared to those who are not expressing curiosity towards them.
so that's what i mean and i think it's best to think about personal examples in your own life think about the people who do express curiosity towards you who really seem genuinely interested in your life you're often going to have warmer feelings towards them feel more cared for by them and probably want to sustain those kinds of relationships it seems that sometimes especially in relationships with people that we know and we feel comfortable with
Yeah, I think we're much more reactive rather than curious. And there was a recent research that is basically called when in doubt, shout. And the idea behind that research is that oftentimes those who are the loudest, let's
situations where we're talking about social issues or, you know, issues even in the workplace, those with the least knowledge about it can often be the ones who are speaking the most. And I think if you talk to any good leader, let's say in the workplace, what you'll hear from them is, you know, you need to be a good listener.
You need to really understand the problems that you're working on, the people that you're working with, et cetera. And that's really driven by curiosity. But oftentimes I think we so badly want to be heard, whether that's in the workplace and this social or political environments we're in. And what happens is our desire to want to be heard and share our own perspectives and our own viewpoints
often make other people feel unseen. Like I just mentioned, it's often an expression of incuriosity. And so people say, well, if you know everything, if you're going to be so arrogant about your perspective, like, why do I even need to share? Or maybe I'm going to be reactive as well. And I'm going to meet you know, your arrogance with my own arrogance.
And it's not a productive way to have, you know, conversations, have a dialogue. So, you know, one of the things that I often talk about is how do we use curiosity in the context of division and polarization that we're experiencing, not just in our country, but all around the world. And I actually brought this curiosity on the road for 12 months. You know, I'm, you know,
identify as you know progressive and you know i've lived for most of my life in the adult life in the uh san francisco bay area i'm asian american i um you know have all these different qualities to me and the other side of that is i hadn't been curious or really understood the perspectives of other people in my country i hadn't really been to the south i hadn't really you know gone to uh you know trump country i had all these visions and versions of what that looked like to me based on you know social media and what other people told me but i wanted to you know
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