Sonja Lyubomirsky

And again, it's curiosity and listening to ask you questions about yourself.

And they draw out curiosity.

your wit or your kindness or your interestingness, your intelligence.

That's the key.

And in some ways, this is actually the most common attribute of relationships is most of us in relationships that are sort of intact, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship or a collegial relationship, we tend to have an open heart toward the other person, which means we have warmth towards them.

We wish them well.

We want them to be happy.

We're kind to them.

We care about them.

So actually, it's pretty common to have that open heart.

But it's important to sort of to maintain that because that sense of warmth, it helps the other person, as we talked about, to open up, right?

When we're really warm and kind and our eyes show.

Sometimes, I mean, I have friends, they look at me with loving eyes is really one way to think about it.

It's so wonderful.

And that warmth gives us a sense of safety and trust and helps us to open up and become more known and sort of we can become and then to feel more loved.

Exactly.

And actually, the definition of what's called high-quality listening is kind of the psychological term for really good listening is basically you're paying attention.

I'm paying attention to your words.

I'm understanding your words.

And also, I care about what you're saying, right?