Sophie Smith

And four days later, everything was going so well.

And they were taking my breast milk

through a tube straight into their drop.

They were literally given one drop at a time.

That's how tiny they were.

Extraordinary colostrum.

Yeah.

And so that was really, you know, I wasn't able to touch them at all at this stage.

And for me, it was really...

It was an amazing thing that I was able to produce this colostrum and then some milk that was all being frozen for them and given to them drop by drop.

And I could feel like I was doing something as their mum because I couldn't do anything.

I wasn't even allowed to touch them.

Oh, I just wanted to rip them out and hold them to my chest.

But I also knew that they were in the very best care.

And I knew that holding... I just wanted to hold them, but I also knew that that was going to be for me and not for them at this stage.

And even when...

I was finally allowed to hold Jasper, which was a couple of weeks later, actually, after Evan had passed away.

But I remember when they offered for me to hold Jasper and I actually was, I was scared that it was going to be, that it would hurt him, you know, he's... So little.

I would rather wait, you know, I would rather wait until it was nice for him to be held too.

But it...