Stephan Speaks

This isn't going to go anywhere this is going to be you saying how you feel you're not going to listen to how I feel what's the point? It reminds me of how a lot of men don't want to go to counseling because they view counseling as a one-sided affair. The woman is going to say all the bad things that he does and when he tries to express himself it's going to be used against him.

This isn't going to go anywhere this is going to be you saying how you feel you're not going to listen to how I feel what's the point? It reminds me of how a lot of men don't want to go to counseling because they view counseling as a one-sided affair. The woman is going to say all the bad things that he does and when he tries to express himself it's going to be used against him.

So, he's like what's the point? So, as a woman or a man because it can happen to both sides you have to start with am I creating an environment for healthy communication, period, all right. Because if you're not... Any attempts to pull out of them more communication is not going to work, all right.

So, he's like what's the point? So, as a woman or a man because it can happen to both sides you have to start with am I creating an environment for healthy communication, period, all right. Because if you're not... Any attempts to pull out of them more communication is not going to work, all right.

So, start with checking yourself, checking your energy, checking your tone, how you're approaching things. I also think for people who are struggling to communicate consider doing it via letters, right. Some people struggle to talk But maybe if they can just write it down on their own time it's going to be so much easier for them. And then we can discuss the letters verbally, right.

So, start with checking yourself, checking your energy, checking your tone, how you're approaching things. I also think for people who are struggling to communicate consider doing it via letters, right. Some people struggle to talk But maybe if they can just write it down on their own time it's going to be so much easier for them. And then we can discuss the letters verbally, right.

But start with the writing and I think the writing is good even for those who can communicate verbally because it's so easy for us to get distracted, for people to deflect, for things to get just go off track in a verbal conversation. but in a letter where you get to sit down and make sure everything comes out, you're checking your tone.

But start with the writing and I think the writing is good even for those who can communicate verbally because it's so easy for us to get distracted, for people to deflect, for things to get just go off track in a verbal conversation. but in a letter where you get to sit down and make sure everything comes out, you're checking your tone.

Like, it's just a more full experience and then for the person when we listen, we tend to listen to rebuttal. When we read, we read to process. Okay, so it's a very different approach that we take mentally. So now it's easier for your partner to understand and take in what you got to say when they can read it and they can read it over and over and they can fixate on one part.

Like, it's just a more full experience and then for the person when we listen, we tend to listen to rebuttal. When we read, we read to process. Okay, so it's a very different approach that we take mentally. So now it's easier for your partner to understand and take in what you got to say when they can read it and they can read it over and over and they can fixate on one part.

Okay, this might be what you mean. And now we can discuss it and dive deeper. I think that would unlock a lot of people's communication issues right there.

Okay, this might be what you mean. And now we can discuss it and dive deeper. I think that would unlock a lot of people's communication issues right there.

And the reality is for some men, Certain things we just are not emotionally invested in or attached to in the way that she might be. And so, to her it's like, well, you should feel something about this. And like, no, I really don't. I don't see this any kind of way. I just want to go on with my day. And he may genuinely mean that. Yeah.

And the reality is for some men, Certain things we just are not emotionally invested in or attached to in the way that she might be. And so, to her it's like, well, you should feel something about this. And like, no, I really don't. I don't see this any kind of way. I just want to go on with my day. And he may genuinely mean that. Yeah.

And so again, it goes back to respecting the differences between the genders. We do not process the same, we do not feel the same a lot of times, right. So, that's going to lead to different levels of expression because there's not as much to express in certain situations. And it's just like again, you got to make sure you can be okay with that.

And so again, it goes back to respecting the differences between the genders. We do not process the same, we do not feel the same a lot of times, right. So, that's going to lead to different levels of expression because there's not as much to express in certain situations. And it's just like again, you got to make sure you can be okay with that.

It's not even a right or wrong thing in many cases it's just okay, does that work for you or no? And if it doesn't it's going to cause a problem all right then maybe we are in the wrong relationship. But if otherwise all right then we can still work past this.

It's not even a right or wrong thing in many cases it's just okay, does that work for you or no? And if it doesn't it's going to cause a problem all right then maybe we are in the wrong relationship. But if otherwise all right then we can still work past this.

Well, one thing I want to point out before I get to that is this. I think we have to start with understanding love is not relationship. We're conflating those two things and it's creating all kinds of issues and confusion, all right. Like, you'll hear people say well, everyone deserves to be loved. Okay, they can be loved by their mother, by their friends, by society, whoever.

Well, one thing I want to point out before I get to that is this. I think we have to start with understanding love is not relationship. We're conflating those two things and it's creating all kinds of issues and confusion, all right. Like, you'll hear people say well, everyone deserves to be loved. Okay, they can be loved by their mother, by their friends, by society, whoever.