Stephan Speaks
speaker
257 appearances
3 recordings
2 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard May 2025
Stephan Speaks’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
If people are experiencing where they can be dismissive, they cannot learn to be emotionally in tune and mature and intelligent enough to how to handle someone's feelings and concerns. Well, they will never understand the need to fix that, all right. And it's the same, it's that same issue like literally I was just coaching a married couple who they're going through it right now.
And one of the big issues is they're both very dismissive of each other when they're expressing their concerns, all right. So, it's like yeah, you can look past this if you want but you're going to pay a price. Is that price worth it? And most do not survive that. At some point you're going to have to learn it anyway, right. So, I just think yeah, I think it'd be best and I understand.
I'm speaking idealistically, realistically most people are going to overlook this issue, most people are going to give a pass, right. But I think even if you're going to give a pass to a certain extent it needs to be discussed, it needs to be understood. And to your point I love that you said because I literally just did a video on my men's channel about
how to communicate with a woman more effectively. And one of the things I expressed was how listen, in that situation where she says I don't like the way your friends speak to me. You can still say I understand that's how you feel. I don't see it that way but let me try to understand why you feel that way. You see what I'm saying?
So, I'm going to meet you where you are, I'm going to acknowledge your feelings, I'm still going to express my view is different than yours. But let's see if we can come to an understanding of this. That in itself would eliminate so many arguments. Totally, totally, yeah. So much conflict just by doing that.
So, I do think that men and women, everyone needs to understand we need to strive for that at the very least.
So, there's nothing wrong with a type to a certain extent as long as you're not so married to that type to where there's no flexibility outside of that, all right. But I do think that at the end of the day and this may sound bad to some people but this is just the reality of it. The more desirable you are the more it becomes even necessary for you to have a type.
So, the analogy I like to give is let's just say someone's applying at a job at Walmart and that's no shade to Walmart or anyone who works at a Walmart, right. But the reality is that to be a cashier at Walmart comes with less requirements, right. And not many people are all lining up to go work at Walmart. So, Walmart might get five applicants, right.
They can sit down with each applicant, they can be more flexible and see who fits the job. If Google is hiring for a six-figure or seven-figure position they're going to have thousands of applicants, right. There's going to be a greater level of requirement there has to be at this position. And now they can't sit down with every person they're going to have to weed them out.
And once upon a time how do they do that? They would eliminate you by the color of your resume, the font on your resume. forget your qualifications, okay. Just the mere presentation because they had to. They had to weed it down to a certain segment and then from there choose who's going to be best.
So, in dating and relationships there's nothing wrong with honing in on your audience that you want to pull from. However, I think that... No, I think I know that connection can transcend our type. Okay, and I believe the key is always being open to connection in whatever package it comes.
Now, I want people to understand when I say whatever package it doesn't mean you won't be attracted to them, all right. It doesn't mean you're going to be disgusted by them any kind of way. It just means that plenty of people if not everyone even when having a type have found someone outside that box that they found attractive. all right, that they may even feel drawn to.
You have to be open and flexible in that way, all right. And I think for me it's less about having such a strict type but more so fundamental principles. Like, I think attraction is important, all right. Communication is important. There's a level of... If you're into energy or you can pick up on people's energy that's going to be important. And to me those are foundational things.
It's less about what they got to be this tall or they have to have this type of job. But there are some core traits that there's nothing wrong with that. So, I do think for those that the type is working against it's because they might be too strict, there's no flexibility and they're also not understanding are you the type that the type wants?
Okay, so you can want your type all you want that's fine right, nothing wrong with that. But are you really tapping into the type of partner they would want? And it's not even are you willing and both can you sustain that, all right. Because there's a lot of people trying to present a certain kind of way to get this type of individual and they may get them but they can't keep it up.
I'm going to give one example And again, it's never shade to any gender when I use them as an example but let's say there's a man who wants this ridiculously beautiful woman, right. Who is accustomed to the high life, all right. And having all kinds of men shower her with gifts and money.
And he knows one, he don't have money like that and two, he does not have the desire to keep up that lifestyle. But he's so infatuated with this woman he goes and he pulls out all the stops, fancy dinners, gifts, all these things and he gets her. But then after a few months the real him comes out and now he doesn't want to go to the nice restaurant. He doesn't want to take the nice trip.
He thinks that bag is way too expensive now, okay. And now she's pissed off because it's like wait a minute you sold me on this and to him it's oh, you're ungrateful or you're... No, you tricked her. You tricked her and you tricked yourself because you were so fixated on this type and this person but you never questioned can you really be that? Are you really that?
And can you keep that going for the rest of your life? And if you can't, all right, go to a different type, a different type of you know, person whatever that fits who you are. And it goes back to really understanding who you are, accepting it and embracing the type of people who fit that individual.
My instinct is to say no. 100% no. Yeah, I'm with you. I think, to be honest, there's a level of insecurity there. All right? Now, don't get me wrong. I do think when we love someone, there may be at least some part of us, right, that's going to have an eye open to all this attention you're getting. For sure.
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