Stephan Speaks
speaker
257 appearances
3 recordings
2 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard May 2025
Stephan Speaks’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
But to be bothered by it usually speaks to you not having a sureness in yourself, all right. And in the relationship. And in the relationship, exactly. And that's such a key. So, I want to give a quick story because I think this is... Please. Lines up perfectly.
I once had a man he came to me he was having a problem in his marriage and his issue was his wife had this male best friend who she was showing all this attention to, okay. and he was like they would be arguing about this friend and she just doesn't want to let go of this friend and all these things.
And I said well, listen, trying to argue against her friend when she's saying it's platonic, there's nothing there, you have nothing to worry about is a very difficult battle. let me ask you what's the quality of the relationship? And he's like, oh, it's not that great, we got some issues. I said okay, before we worry about this friend, let's focus on solidifying the relationship, all right.
Let's make that strong, let's make that good and then see what happens. He hit me up, I want to say like three, four months later, he said man, your advice worked perfectly. Oh, I love that. By him shifting his focus to the relationship quality and fixing everything in there, the issue with the friend completely disappeared.
She naturally was not showing the friend anymore attention like she was anymore, just everything fell into place. So, going back to your point about jealousy, yes, I feel people aren't being honest with themselves that they do not feel secure in their relationship for various reasons. And this attention that your partner is getting is a threat to you.
It is a threat that well, what if they like it so much they take someone up on their offer. All right, but if you really felt good about yourself in this relationship you're just not going to worry about it. And I think also it goes to a level of I'm going to use the word evolving in life and understanding that you cannot control everything.
So, to me I just feel like and I have a feeling you're probably the same exact way. I'm not going to be worried about this attention you're getting because at the end of the day if you're going to do something wrong you're going to do it wrong. Me trying to police you it's a waste of my energy it is too stressful I don't want that life, all right. Do your thing.
Now, if you do something you're not supposed to do you will pay a consequence I will let you go. But I'm not going to sit here and check on this and watch this or you can't go here. Man, do what makes you happy enjoy yourself and I want you to live in your truth. I don't want to suppress you in any kind of way. And I'm going to bring this up and I'm just going to say this is a theory.
I'm not saying I'm accurate, but it's something for everyone to think about. So, talking about attention I do think that In most cases the dynamic is usually the woman getting a ton of attention and the man not knowing how to handle that. And there are a lot of men on the internet who like, they go in on these women who oh, you're always wanting this attention you're posting here.
There was even celebrities once that talked about something like that and they went in on her. Anyways, I have this theory or this question I was like, what if attention for women is like sexual desire for men? And what I mean by that is you'll hear men make the argument of well, I can have sex with these different women and it's nothing.
It doesn't mean anything to me but they just enjoy the sex they would never leave the woman they love all these things and I'm not advocating for any cheating or anything I'm just explaining this dynamic.
Yes. Yeah. Well, that's how a lot of women view attention. She may enjoy attention, but she has no plan on entertaining any of those men. She will go back to her man, but she still likes to get a compliment. She likes to go out and hear people say, oh, you look good today. Oh my gosh, that dress is nice. But it's not because like she's this bad person. It just might be an inner desire. And...
Again, there's going to be different scales of that desire. There's going to be some women who don't want attention at all. They don't like it, right. But there's going to be others who love it. And I think sometimes we demonize these things and it goes back to understanding and respecting the differences between the genders and between individuals, okay.
And you, I think for a man or for a woman if you're dealing with that person what's important is to understand why they enjoy the attention. Where does that come from? Does it come from an inadequacy? Does it come from you not giving them attention? Are they starving at home so now they have to go outside to get it, right?
Or is it someone who just they feed off of that stuff, they love it, but again, it doesn't make them a bad person. But to go back to your question, I don't think you have to be jealous of someone to love them. I can love you to death and not get jealous, you know, because again, I'm not worried about it. But I do think when we do get a little bit jealous, that's also, like, it's just normal.
But that goes back to the point, if you are looking to make them jealous is it because you're not getting what you need in this relationship in general?
Like, something is probably missing we're not... Because a lot of people will do things to just get a reaction out of their partner and it's because they want to see that you care. And if I have to see that you care that means you're not showing me in other ways or at least I'm not feeling it in other ways that you care. There's a disconnect there.
So, rather than jumping to the whole make them jealous because that's a dangerous game to play because what people don't realize is yes, you may have succeeded in making them jealous but you may have also planted a seed of insecurity. And now they have to worry do you really want someone else's attention and time? Are you entertaining someone else?
And so now, you got this initial great feeling of their jealousy but what's the backlash that comes from it later on? You see what I'm saying, what have you created? So, to me you got to go to the... It's always about getting to the real root of the issue. Why are we behaving in this way? Why are we trying to make this happen?
Now, I think there's some couples where they just playfully do these things it's not that serious to them, right. And that's fine, but you just want to make sure this is not coming from an unhealthy place because you're going to create a more unhealthy situation.
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