Stephanie R. Yates-Anyabwile

So I don't think of it as imposter syndrome because I don't think...

I don't know, maybe there are some parallels, but I think basically that

we have clear trajectories of how relationships are supposed to develop.

You know, you meet the love of your life.

Eventually you might move in together.

Maybe you get engaged, you get married, you have kids, you buy a house, you know, whatever the order is.

And I think sometimes we don't stop enough to ask ourselves, like, why am I doing this?

You know, like maybe you did find the love of your life, but do you guys need to live together?

If you live together, do you need to share a bed?

Like, do you have to sleep in the same bed with that person every night for the rest of your life?

I think sometimes we just get so stuck and this is just how it's always done.

And if I don't do it this way, maybe that is the imposter syndrome part.

Because the question is, if I don't do it this way, is my relationship legitimate?

How would people feel if they found out that we don't sleep in the same bed, for example?

I think the challenge is to try to avoid the comparison because there's so many different models for what a healthy relationship looks like.

And even what looked good in your relationship 10 years ago might not look good today.

You know, so I think it's very much about checking in.

With yourself about what is and isn't working for you.

And I think this takes us back to the people pleasing part of the conversation, because if you're afraid to open up to your partner, which is what I see a lot, a lot of the work I do with clients is like you guys have been together 30 years and you're afraid to tell your partner that you don't like X, Y, Z that they do.

And so I think that.