Stuart Shanker

speaker

1,736 appearances 3 recordings 1 series first heard Oct 2022 last heard 3 Jul

Stuart Shanker’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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recordings per month · last 12 months

Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Jul 2026 with 1.

Appearances

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Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children · TPP 305a: Stuart Shanker on What Self-Regulation Is, Why It Matters, and How to Help Our Children (and Ourselves) Do It Better · 3 Jul 2026 podcast

Is you have to be calm, not quiet.

Calm refers to what's happening in your brain as well as in your body.

We want the tension to relax.

We want the brain waves to slow down.

Very hard for a kid to do this on their own.

The one piece of parenting that never works is telling a kid who's agitated, Go calm down.

Yeah, but that's because we're overstressed too, right?

And and and so it's a way it's a maladaptive way of of self-regulating ourselves.

Uh and then the fifth step is restoration, physiological parasympathetic.

But the point is, you can't get to per you can't get to restoration unless you go through the first four steps.

And there's all different kinds of ways of getting through, but that none of them are coping strategies.

So we don't want the kid to cope with stress.

We want the kid to learn how to thrive from stress, to benefit from stress, to recognize when they're overstressed, and then having constructive ways of dealing with it.

Okay, so let me tell you what we learned.

So I've seen an awful lot of kids.

I've seen thousands and thousands of kids.

And in all the kids I've seen, I've never once

seeing a bad kid.

And that's because there isn't such a thing.

They're just a kid.

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