Tyler Fischer
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
I found the most amazing woman in the entire world.
So I'm Puerto Rican, Portuguese, Native American, Middle Eastern, Italian, and Jewish.
And if I was a woman, I would look exactly the same.
I'm Puerto Rican and Jewish, which means I'm expensive garbage.
It's tough being Puerto Rican and Jewish.
Puerto Ricans are known for two things.
They know how to dance and stab people.
So please laugh at these jokes.
I was driving down the street the other day and I saw a sign that said, drive like your kids live here.
Actually, I don't remember what I was doing because I was wasted.
Yeah, my mom told me that if my son pees on me, it means that he loves me.
So I figured I'd show my dad some love.
And now I can't go back to the cemetery.
I just... That bitch is terrifying.