Uncle Lazer

You go right down the street here to Kid Rock's.

I'll have them waiting for you.

I do realize we are in the Bible Belt.

I mean, save some pussy for the rest of us.

Yeah, he's just like his daddy, I guess.

I just realized something about myself.

I don't like phone sex.

I was having phone sex with my girlfriend.

We was on FaceTime and she was playing with herself and I was beating my meat.

And then she was like, can I use a toy?

And I was like, yeah, no problem.

You can use a toy.

And then she pulled out an 11 inch green dildo.

And I was flabbergasted, really, dog, because I understand some, bitch, I said a toy, not Hulk's dick, you dirty Hulk.

It's clobbering time, dumbass bitch, that's crazy.

And like, I don't listen, I'm fine with my girlfriend having like toys that you play with, pleasure herself and shit, but it has to be the same size as my dick, no bigger.

And like, I've been to her house a million times, I've never seen a green dildo there ever, dog.

Where has she been hiding this bitch from me?

I really, I want to go there and cut it in half and have two of my dicks so she can use it when she need.

Like, that pissed me off, because I understand something.